To everyone seeking advice...

An open blog to the women looking for advice, a shoulder to cry on; I have a message for you:

Yes, you are obviously smart, attractive, hilarious and talented. You have made me laugh more times than I can imagine, and you are on my mind more than you think. Of course I'm worried about your well-being and I'm here to tell you that, yes, your (former) significant other is currently panicking about what they're going to do without you. He is regretting every mean thing he ever said to you.

You really should get that raise and you definitely should look at other opportunities with other jobs - who wouldn't want to hire you? I mean you've done more for your company than anyone else I've talked to, and yet you still don't get nearly the recognition you deserve, much less a promotion.

No, your ass doesn't look big in those pants. You look amazing since you've been working out and dieting.



To the men:


Go grab another beer, your (former) significant other is in a tizzy over her pants again. I think I have her calmed down, but you may want to think about buying flowers or something... after the game's over.