"If you could go back a year and a half, what would you change? Is there anything that you could have done to make the results different?"
-FEMALEATLAS
The short answer is, nothing and no, but you knew this wasn't going to be short.
Let me explain to you about how I look at destiny, and maybe it'll clear things up. Destiny is not a word I toss around lightly. I believe that it is a very, very powerful word that I've found people to be very protective of. Let's be honest, everyone's hopes, dreams, wishes, prayers and deepest desires are wrapped up in that one word... they have reason to be protective.
I differ with most people on the idea that destiny is not something predetermined. I believe that most people envision their life (past, present and future) in a straight line, just like history. The problem is this... life isn't like that. So, I believe that your destiny is something that you shape every second of the day.
"No, no, no Mo. You are treading on thin ice here. You are telling me that something that I've believed to be true all my life is not, and has not been accurate."
Accurate is a good word because a line is an okay assessment of life, but it doesn't encompass all that happens. If you wanted to diagram your life, most people would draw a straight line... Point A: Birth through Point (whatever): present and they would leave a LONG line after that would end at Point (whatever): predictable death. Everyone wants to live forever.
What I do is similar, but it's not a straight line. I look at life and destiny, goals, accomplishments, and history on a different scale. It allows me to look at the future differently too. I look at life as more like a spider web. Even the spider web isn't a perfect representation, but it's like thousands of spider webs on top of each other, maybe millions. All of those lines represent the decisions you did or did not make in life. They also represent everyone else who made those same types of decisions. Our lives are traced out on that spider web like a drawing of a constellation that never connects back around on itself.
In a spider web the lines of it grow larger as you travel from the center outward representing the amount of time needed to change direction as we age. This also takes care of the issues of us not being able to change what we've done. We, also, always move outward on the spider web, just like the path of a needle on a record player.
The beauty of this is that we can plot goals and accomplishments on that web that we either did, could do, or someone else accomplished. We can then begin to draw our path through that web landing precisely where we wanted to end up if we achieved it. Or, we can draw a near miss if we nearly accomplished it. Here's where it get's interesting: we can also plot the one decision that caused us to miss that goal, and it is then simple to see how we could have made it if only...
Where does all this help?
Well if our life was able to be plotted like that we could quickly see which decisions led us to where we are, and which ones kept us from achieving that goal. I believe that someone, some where is living the exact life that I want to be living right now. The EXACT life I want to be living. They have things set up just the way I would, and they are living it based on the fact that they made particular decisions that got them there. If I plotted their life on the web it would run directly on top of mine until one decision, and that's where it broke off. Then we went in the same general direction with completely different trajectories. We would only be off of each other by a degree or two, working our way outward, but we would continue seperating ourselves until we made a decision that sent us back towards each other.
Here's where the hope comes in. You may, right now, be living life directly parallel to your ideal life. It may only take one decision to have your course in life altered to match that of that other person who's living what you could be right this second. One decision is all it might take. One decision and time. You nedd to take the time to allow nature to take it's course and got you on the path that you want to be on.
With all that, to answer the question at the beginning, (FEMALEATLAS was obviously referring to my divorce it's been a hot topic with the papers filed and her baby on the way), and wanted to know what I thought would have changed it.
I don't believe that there was anything I could have done to change the situation six months before we seperated. I believe there was lots I could have done before then, in some situations, LONG before then that would have helped. But, I also believe I was already too far on the path to make changes to reach that particular goal. Then again, looking back, I don't know if that's a goal I regret not accomplishing. I'd have to ask myself what I was willing to give up to get to where I wanted to be at the time (happily married), and I don't know that I like the answers that I'd have given myself. Therefore the goal passes, and life goes on, and you modify your route. You make that one decision to put your path in the direction you need to go, and you just enjoy the ride.
I'm telling you, the life you want is out there. It applies to me too. You just have to find the long term destination to guide that one decision right now that will get you there. Find it and make it.
There you have it: your destiny. I hope I didn't lose anyone on it. It's a very visual thought process, and it's much more easily explained on the back of a napkin.
Take care,
-Mo
Oh, and there are other rules for the web too, but you'll have to ask me about them. One is that goals tied to age are stationary. You miss them, they're gone. Goals towards lifestyles, though, are fluid. They are constantly moving and you have to track them.
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
I'm back...
I'll start with this: my vacation was made by my kids. They were so well-behaved, and really more like traveling partners than anything else. They were a complete joy to be around the entire time. As a reward, I hope to take them on the Disney Cruise next year. They really were fantastic.
It still amazes me to see what they know and what they can learn, especially in a new environment like that. They played in the water, swam in the pool there like they'd known how to swim for years, picked seashells, and just generally made my vacation an adventure (in a good way) more so than a trip.
A couple quick stories to hopefully bring a smile:
When my daughter was told that she was beautiful by my mother she said,"Thank you, Nana."
My mother realized she should make sure that my little girl understands that her brother is "beautiful", but my daughter was quick to respond.
"No, Nana! My brother is not beautiful!
My brother is handsome! And Daddy's handsome, and Pappy's handsome, and Uncle 'MINORS2THEMAJORS' is handsome, and Uncle 'SWEETZX' is handsome, AND MOST OF AAAAAAAAAAALL... UNCLE HTRN is handsome!"
The story loses a bit with the pseudonyms, but you get the point. lol. Daddy wasn't the "most of all". I laughed about it because it was almost like she knew, even thought there's really no way she could... You see "Uncle HTRN" was on vacation with a purpose.
He was there to get his mind off his separation. It was basically official when we left. And, while he rarely showed the misery I know he was in, he needed a lift. Hopefully a little blonde-haired, blue-eyed, not quite four-year-old niece helped.
Life is funny like that sometimes. I've said many times before, that you can find inspiration and a smile in some of the strangest places imaginable. You just have to be looking. You can look for smiles or you can look for misery. It's your choice, you'll find whichever you want.
Life really does run in full circles. I feel like I'm jumping around a bit, but there's lots of stuff going on in my head. The first lull in my blog posts came when I tried to write about my family. I still have the blog entry, but it's never been published. So many things have changed since then. I was wrong on many things that I hoped were good. I had written that my brothers, HTRN and SWEETZX, were both "happy". I believed at the time that they'd made decisions to put themselves with the right companions and that they were well on their way to happy lives. Since that first lull in time SWEETZX has broken off his engagement with his fiance (they appear to be trying to work things out at this point in time, but I'm not optimistic on the subject), and HTRN is now separated.
My divorce was officially filed yesterday and while I was talking to my ex wife about it the subject of HTRN came up and she asked me what was up.
(Days before my ex and I split, she said "...and I thought we had problems!". I was incredulous, "WE'RE GETTING A DIVORCE!" and she was comparing us to my brother and his wife. All the while saying we had a better relationship at that very moment in time. Apparently - write this down, you may not ever see it again about her - she was right. It just took time for things to actually shake out.)
I told my ex that the irony of how things were working out between them was painful to watch. It was almost like reliving it, nearly one year to the day later. I feel so much sympathy for my brother. I actually said to him a few weeks ago that the similarities between what was happening at the end of his marriage and what had happened nearly a year before were not only uncanny, but spooky. I didn't believe that things would work out as his wife had said they would, because history had proven to me to be too strong. She was saying the same things, doing the same things and blaming the same person for their failures as a couple. Ironically, my brother found a Love letter in her console, from someone else, two days before we left for the beach... But he was the one to blame for their marriage falling apart.
Painfully similar.
I did, however, smile when my ex agreed that his wife should call her so that she could tell her what life on the other side is like. Not life without me or my brother, but more of what life is like with the guy who swore he'd give her everything, and that I was bringing her down. She's still with him by the way.
I had said to her, a couple weeks ago when we talked, that her relationship should be in that blissful happy stage right now. Realistically they've only been in an actual relationship for under a year, and nothing should be wrong with it... Yet she was reading a book, "The Care and Feeding of Husbands", and it wasn't supposed to be a case study on what went wrong in our marriage - but that's what it turned into for her. She came to this realization that she had been wrong in blaming me and that she was to blame for our marriage deteriorating - not me. She found answers to the past while searching for answers to the present (disclaimer: I still maintain that I was not, by any stretch of the imagination, a perfect husband. If anyone knows someone who is, I'd like to meet him so I can take pointers. I just said that I was no where near that horrible husband and person that she made me out to be.)
Here's where people get into trouble reading books instead of seeing a professional.
She then believed because she had been such a "terrible person" in our marriage that she was still being a terrible person in their relationship too, and maybe she is... I don't know. I believe it's probably closer to this reality though. He's pretty much worthless. Don't take my word for it... ask his own mother. If your own mother has a problem with you... well you must have worked real hard to tick someone off.
He told my ex all these wonderful things, and she believed him. Now he's not coming through on his part. They got themselves pregnant and now she thinks that she's being the same person that she was when she was with me - and she very well may be.
The big difference is; before the problems were realistically out of our house. They came from the fact that my wife was not a strong willed person. She lacked self-esteem and with that came a certain sense of needing to feel accepted. So, she was a different person when she was away from the house. She smoked, and talked about problems that, realistically, were not problems at home. However, she complained about them incessantly to anyone who'd listen if I wasn't around. They were things blown completely out of proportion so she could fit in with the crowd around her; people who were miserable. It's actually scary to think, but she actually wanted to fit in with these people.
Now, the problems are in her face. They are there, on the couch, coming for their custodial visit, or living in the back yard. They are "No regrets" coming back to turn every day into misery, and they'll continue until they overwhelm her or turn her into the superwoman she needs to be to deal with them. In a situation like that there really are only those two options. The problems that she's created are not problems that will go away, they will only be dealt with in the best way possible or they'll get worse.
Had dinner Friday night with a beautiful girl at a great restaurant. It lasted three hours. The food was fantastic as was the conversation. I'm very fortunate to know the chef there. He is top notch. Don't know if you'll hear a whole lot more about her, but if there's anything else to say, I'll keep you posted.
Got a new phone. No more basic text messaging. I've got pictures, web access, and a cool carrying case. It's the Motorola V400. I like it so far, but I'm not thrilled how it organizes my contacts. I'm sure that's user error and something I need to fix myself.
The person I referred to last time apparently did have the worst week ever. I'm sorry. I hope that this week has gotten better. I'll be in touch. The game is les than a month away. It'll be a blast.
Everyone else... take care.
-Mo
It still amazes me to see what they know and what they can learn, especially in a new environment like that. They played in the water, swam in the pool there like they'd known how to swim for years, picked seashells, and just generally made my vacation an adventure (in a good way) more so than a trip.
A couple quick stories to hopefully bring a smile:
When my daughter was told that she was beautiful by my mother she said,"Thank you, Nana."
My mother realized she should make sure that my little girl understands that her brother is "beautiful", but my daughter was quick to respond.
"No, Nana! My brother is not beautiful!
My brother is handsome! And Daddy's handsome, and Pappy's handsome, and Uncle 'MINORS2THEMAJORS' is handsome, and Uncle 'SWEETZX' is handsome, AND MOST OF AAAAAAAAAAALL... UNCLE HTRN is handsome!"
The story loses a bit with the pseudonyms, but you get the point. lol. Daddy wasn't the "most of all". I laughed about it because it was almost like she knew, even thought there's really no way she could... You see "Uncle HTRN" was on vacation with a purpose.
He was there to get his mind off his separation. It was basically official when we left. And, while he rarely showed the misery I know he was in, he needed a lift. Hopefully a little blonde-haired, blue-eyed, not quite four-year-old niece helped.
Life is funny like that sometimes. I've said many times before, that you can find inspiration and a smile in some of the strangest places imaginable. You just have to be looking. You can look for smiles or you can look for misery. It's your choice, you'll find whichever you want.
Life really does run in full circles. I feel like I'm jumping around a bit, but there's lots of stuff going on in my head. The first lull in my blog posts came when I tried to write about my family. I still have the blog entry, but it's never been published. So many things have changed since then. I was wrong on many things that I hoped were good. I had written that my brothers, HTRN and SWEETZX, were both "happy". I believed at the time that they'd made decisions to put themselves with the right companions and that they were well on their way to happy lives. Since that first lull in time SWEETZX has broken off his engagement with his fiance (they appear to be trying to work things out at this point in time, but I'm not optimistic on the subject), and HTRN is now separated.
My divorce was officially filed yesterday and while I was talking to my ex wife about it the subject of HTRN came up and she asked me what was up.
(Days before my ex and I split, she said "...and I thought we had problems!". I was incredulous, "WE'RE GETTING A DIVORCE!" and she was comparing us to my brother and his wife. All the while saying we had a better relationship at that very moment in time. Apparently - write this down, you may not ever see it again about her - she was right. It just took time for things to actually shake out.)
I told my ex that the irony of how things were working out between them was painful to watch. It was almost like reliving it, nearly one year to the day later. I feel so much sympathy for my brother. I actually said to him a few weeks ago that the similarities between what was happening at the end of his marriage and what had happened nearly a year before were not only uncanny, but spooky. I didn't believe that things would work out as his wife had said they would, because history had proven to me to be too strong. She was saying the same things, doing the same things and blaming the same person for their failures as a couple. Ironically, my brother found a Love letter in her console, from someone else, two days before we left for the beach... But he was the one to blame for their marriage falling apart.
Painfully similar.
I did, however, smile when my ex agreed that his wife should call her so that she could tell her what life on the other side is like. Not life without me or my brother, but more of what life is like with the guy who swore he'd give her everything, and that I was bringing her down. She's still with him by the way.
I had said to her, a couple weeks ago when we talked, that her relationship should be in that blissful happy stage right now. Realistically they've only been in an actual relationship for under a year, and nothing should be wrong with it... Yet she was reading a book, "The Care and Feeding of Husbands", and it wasn't supposed to be a case study on what went wrong in our marriage - but that's what it turned into for her. She came to this realization that she had been wrong in blaming me and that she was to blame for our marriage deteriorating - not me. She found answers to the past while searching for answers to the present (disclaimer: I still maintain that I was not, by any stretch of the imagination, a perfect husband. If anyone knows someone who is, I'd like to meet him so I can take pointers. I just said that I was no where near that horrible husband and person that she made me out to be.)
Here's where people get into trouble reading books instead of seeing a professional.
She then believed because she had been such a "terrible person" in our marriage that she was still being a terrible person in their relationship too, and maybe she is... I don't know. I believe it's probably closer to this reality though. He's pretty much worthless. Don't take my word for it... ask his own mother. If your own mother has a problem with you... well you must have worked real hard to tick someone off.
He told my ex all these wonderful things, and she believed him. Now he's not coming through on his part. They got themselves pregnant and now she thinks that she's being the same person that she was when she was with me - and she very well may be.
The big difference is; before the problems were realistically out of our house. They came from the fact that my wife was not a strong willed person. She lacked self-esteem and with that came a certain sense of needing to feel accepted. So, she was a different person when she was away from the house. She smoked, and talked about problems that, realistically, were not problems at home. However, she complained about them incessantly to anyone who'd listen if I wasn't around. They were things blown completely out of proportion so she could fit in with the crowd around her; people who were miserable. It's actually scary to think, but she actually wanted to fit in with these people.
Now, the problems are in her face. They are there, on the couch, coming for their custodial visit, or living in the back yard. They are "No regrets" coming back to turn every day into misery, and they'll continue until they overwhelm her or turn her into the superwoman she needs to be to deal with them. In a situation like that there really are only those two options. The problems that she's created are not problems that will go away, they will only be dealt with in the best way possible or they'll get worse.
Had dinner Friday night with a beautiful girl at a great restaurant. It lasted three hours. The food was fantastic as was the conversation. I'm very fortunate to know the chef there. He is top notch. Don't know if you'll hear a whole lot more about her, but if there's anything else to say, I'll keep you posted.
Got a new phone. No more basic text messaging. I've got pictures, web access, and a cool carrying case. It's the Motorola V400. I like it so far, but I'm not thrilled how it organizes my contacts. I'm sure that's user error and something I need to fix myself.
The person I referred to last time apparently did have the worst week ever. I'm sorry. I hope that this week has gotten better. I'll be in touch. The game is les than a month away. It'll be a blast.
Everyone else... take care.
-Mo
Sunday, September 12, 2004
This one's a quickie...
I'm going to the beach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm excited to be going with my family and my kids. They are so excited they don't know what to do with themselves.
So, I'll report in next week with impressions from there.
Take care.
Oh, one more thing. I know that there is one of you out there, who reads regularly, who hasn't been having a good week. For all I know it could be the worst week ever - I don't know. Either way, you've been on my mind since the last time we spoke, and I hope that you're ok. Yes, yes you will "survive" and you'll come out of it scarred... and stronger than ever.
I don't know what else to tell you.
Maybe I'll try something that worked for me... "I've got your back."
I do, and I will go to battle with you. Whether the battle is external or internal, I'm available. All you have to do is ask. Take care of yourself... all of you.
Hug the ones you Love.
With extra Love this week - and a hug,
Bill
I'm excited to be going with my family and my kids. They are so excited they don't know what to do with themselves.
So, I'll report in next week with impressions from there.
Take care.
Oh, one more thing. I know that there is one of you out there, who reads regularly, who hasn't been having a good week. For all I know it could be the worst week ever - I don't know. Either way, you've been on my mind since the last time we spoke, and I hope that you're ok. Yes, yes you will "survive" and you'll come out of it scarred... and stronger than ever.
I don't know what else to tell you.
Maybe I'll try something that worked for me... "I've got your back."
I do, and I will go to battle with you. Whether the battle is external or internal, I'm available. All you have to do is ask. Take care of yourself... all of you.
Hug the ones you Love.
With extra Love this week - and a hug,
Bill
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
It was a once in a lifetime thing...
that I hope to do many, many more times.
"... I don't want to disillusion you, but you probably won't get wet... unless you want to."
-KAYA KING
Not only was he A guide yesterday, but he was THE guide. As we were riding in a van back to where we started, we passed this car stopped at a stop sign and waving us around them. I heard the girl in the driver's seat exclaim as we drove by... "That's our guide!" like she was the first person in the U.S. to ever see the Beatles in person.
The day was over.
He'd reached celebrity status.
That's something I'm sure KAYA ends up doing on many, if not all of these trips. You see, he is a guide with Whitewater Adventures, Ohiopyle, PA. After 9 years of knowing KAYA, the stars finally aligned, and our schedules both lined up to allow me to go rafting with him while he would be giving a guided tour. In other words, he was paid to take me along with 87 other people who probably had no business near the water out for a day of pure adrenaline.
The morning started with us arriving at about 9 am. It was a bit cool so I had worn a long sleeved t-shirt (emblazoned with the WVU logo - what a way to start a season!). I'd soon exchange it for something lighter. I met a few of KAYA's co-workers and we helped inflate rafts. There were probably 15-20 rafts total. They have this great pump that's basically a vacuum cleaner without any ability to clean, and they could inflate an 8 man raft in a matter of a minute or two. I watched, helped where I could, and took a good look at the waterfall right beside our launch point.
It was a pretty site and KAYA told me that people kayaked over it regularly; he had pictures of him doing it himself. I can only imagine. It didn't seem to me anyone in their right mind would want to go over that thing on purpose - at least that's what I thought at the beginning of the day.
KAYA asked me if I might like to take the "Thrill Seeker". Several of his co-workers had suggested that he let me take it. I get the impression they wanted some entertainment watching me drag myself out of the rapids, and KAYA had steered me away from it before he realized he was running the show for the day.
I also think that asking him about leaving my glasses in his SUV weighed on his head too. I feel that he thought it would be a let down if I didn't have any chance of hitting the water. He informed me that the girl that I'd be rafting with would owe the staff beer if I fell in so I was also a bit concerned that I'd be somewhat disappointed in the adventure of it all.
"Well, what's a 'Thrill Seeker?'"
It's an inflatable kayak - single-occupancy.
That seemed to be more my speed. There was a certain amount of risk that I'd end up in the water, but it didn't seem I'd need a lot of training to operate it. The paddle, on the other hand, was a different story.
The blades on the ends weren't aligned. They were diagonal with each other. This forced you to rotate your right hand as you paddled on your left side. This actually seemed to put your upper hand in a better position all the time as you were paddling. It wasn't a big deal after I got used to it, but it was something that was very difficult to get used to at first.
"Well, was it cold?"
I worried about that too... for all of about .5 seconds before I hit the first set of rapids. As you start into the rapids you don't know what to look at or where to go. I didn't even know how to paddle at the time! So, the water temperature was the last thing on my mind. Staying upright was much more at the time.
The first set of rapids turned out to be small as compared to the rest of them throughout the day. They were a little bit more difficult because I didn't know what I was doing at all. The next time I go I should zip right through them, not because I am a wise, veteran paddler, but next time I'll know what to expect.
I believe the second set was the group where my picture was taken. It was a pretty good picture, and I'll post it as soon as I get it scanned. It was a bit more exciting, and as you pass one of the guides (SEPTEMBER) was yelling "Smile!".
"Did you end up in the water?"
Yes, twice.
The first time I was sideways going into the rapids and it was described to me that it all happened in slow motion to observers. I rolled over the side after fighting to stay vertical. It wasn't a big deal. I just kept ahold of the paddle and swam to the boat. One of the guides was already there. I threw my paddle back in the kayak and hauled myself in. The guide told me he liked the ones who rescued themselves. No big deal, I've been water skiing, tubing, canoeing, swimming in rushing rivers under waterfalls, and jet skiing, this was an extension of all those.
The second time was a bit on the unnerving side.
KAYA asked me to follow him. I did, but he stays in one place much better than I. (The river IS moving you know.) So while he was holding to get a good path I slipped down a rapid in a much different route than I had expected to go. I don't really think that was where he intended me to go either. As my boat caught on the rock at the top, I looked at him and said something to the effect of "This isn't going to be pretty."
Next thing I knew I was under water with the boat pressing down on me. It couldn't have been but a few seconds, but those things always seem like an eternity. My first thought was that the bottom of the boat was on my head and not moving. That wasn't going to be good at all if that was the case.
After some probing I found that the boat was upside down and that I could get my head into the inside - where there would be lots of air. Soon after I got my head out of the water KAYA was there flipping the boat over like we were playing hide and seek or something. "There you are! You ok?" he said laughingly.
"I'm fine but I dropped my paddle."
I tried catching up to the boat but it was a spot where the rocks weren't very deep in the water. So, I had to ride them down til the water deepened. Turns out the bottom of the river isn't "made by Disney" as KAYA said in the speech to the other boaters.
Another fact - rocks are hard.
Can't get anything past me.
I did get to my boat and someone brought me my paddle. I had to get myself to stop burping up river water while continuing. lol. That was probably the most intense part of the action.
The abandoning of the ship... not the burping.
Lunch was much better than I had expected. We stopped, they set up lunch meat, bread, cheese, condiments, apples, cookies, and a few other things - including wraps (for the low carb contingent?) on a big, flat, table sized rock. They brought water and tea. Everyone fended for themselves and seemed full when they left. I was impressed.
Lessons learned:
One guy said to me directly after my more intense confrontation with the water. (He was in a boat with a guide, and they were really worried when they didn't immediately see me come back up for air). "Before, when you were paddling down you seemed so laid back, and relaxed, and dry. Now, after all that, you still look laid back and completely relaxed... just wet now. What gives? What rattles you? You're completely calm and people in rafts out here are freaking out."
This reinforced what I have believed for a long time. You can do anything you want. You may even be able to do it well if you'll just do a couple of things. 1. Follow someone who is an expert at what you want to do. 2. Trust them implicitly. 3. Do whatever they say without question. 4. Keep your expectations low and focus on what they've told you to do, not what you think you can do. They'll take you further if you're ready. 5. Don't let anything rattle you. Early success can be that simple.
Was my trip something I'd consider successful? Absolutely! Was it successful to someone like KAYA's standards? Probably not at this point in their careers or hobbies, but I thought it was extremely successful for my first time. I did every single thing I wanted to yesterday - and smiled the entire time. I cherished every second I was on the water.
Lesson 2? This is one that I need to learn a lot more about.
You can't control everything.
I once said... "There's a difference - he wants power, he can have it. I want control."
If there's one thing you will quickly learn on the water it's that the river is in control. It is going to take you where it wants to go. Your only option is to make minor adjustments to the overall path that you'll take.
I kept finding myself, in the beginning, trying to put myself in exactly the right spot to go through the rapids. I found out quickly that the river doesn't always agree with that, and it responds by placing you where it wants you to be - or dumping you outright. By the end of the day, I understood that I was going to end up at point B from where I was. I would just have to pick my way through most of the time and take shots at getting a more exciting ride when I could take them.
It was kind of nice to relinquish control of my life for about 5 hours.
Lesson 3, big rapids mean big fun. Aka big risks equal a big reward. They also meant big consequences if you didn't make it through, but when you're enjoying the rewards you quickly forget about the risks involved.
I know that KAYA reads this all the time, and I can honestly say that I had one of the most exhilarating experiences in my entire life. I can't tell him how much I appreciated the trip.
Please tell me... how do you thank someone for that? When you receive gifts it's easy to reciprocate. When you receive a once in a lifetime adrenaline rush, do you send a card? All I can say is this:
KAYA KING absolutely lives up to his name.
Take care all. I hope you too will get to enjoy the Youghiogheny River from the same perspective I did, as a matter of fact I'm hearing rumblings of another "sponsored" trip for next year.
-Mo
CALYN, I hope things are well.
"... I don't want to disillusion you, but you probably won't get wet... unless you want to."
-KAYA KING
Not only was he A guide yesterday, but he was THE guide. As we were riding in a van back to where we started, we passed this car stopped at a stop sign and waving us around them. I heard the girl in the driver's seat exclaim as we drove by... "That's our guide!" like she was the first person in the U.S. to ever see the Beatles in person.
The day was over.
He'd reached celebrity status.
That's something I'm sure KAYA ends up doing on many, if not all of these trips. You see, he is a guide with Whitewater Adventures, Ohiopyle, PA. After 9 years of knowing KAYA, the stars finally aligned, and our schedules both lined up to allow me to go rafting with him while he would be giving a guided tour. In other words, he was paid to take me along with 87 other people who probably had no business near the water out for a day of pure adrenaline.
The morning started with us arriving at about 9 am. It was a bit cool so I had worn a long sleeved t-shirt (emblazoned with the WVU logo - what a way to start a season!). I'd soon exchange it for something lighter. I met a few of KAYA's co-workers and we helped inflate rafts. There were probably 15-20 rafts total. They have this great pump that's basically a vacuum cleaner without any ability to clean, and they could inflate an 8 man raft in a matter of a minute or two. I watched, helped where I could, and took a good look at the waterfall right beside our launch point.
It was a pretty site and KAYA told me that people kayaked over it regularly; he had pictures of him doing it himself. I can only imagine. It didn't seem to me anyone in their right mind would want to go over that thing on purpose - at least that's what I thought at the beginning of the day.
KAYA asked me if I might like to take the "Thrill Seeker". Several of his co-workers had suggested that he let me take it. I get the impression they wanted some entertainment watching me drag myself out of the rapids, and KAYA had steered me away from it before he realized he was running the show for the day.
I also think that asking him about leaving my glasses in his SUV weighed on his head too. I feel that he thought it would be a let down if I didn't have any chance of hitting the water. He informed me that the girl that I'd be rafting with would owe the staff beer if I fell in so I was also a bit concerned that I'd be somewhat disappointed in the adventure of it all.
"Well, what's a 'Thrill Seeker?'"
It's an inflatable kayak - single-occupancy.
That seemed to be more my speed. There was a certain amount of risk that I'd end up in the water, but it didn't seem I'd need a lot of training to operate it. The paddle, on the other hand, was a different story.
The blades on the ends weren't aligned. They were diagonal with each other. This forced you to rotate your right hand as you paddled on your left side. This actually seemed to put your upper hand in a better position all the time as you were paddling. It wasn't a big deal after I got used to it, but it was something that was very difficult to get used to at first.
"Well, was it cold?"
I worried about that too... for all of about .5 seconds before I hit the first set of rapids. As you start into the rapids you don't know what to look at or where to go. I didn't even know how to paddle at the time! So, the water temperature was the last thing on my mind. Staying upright was much more at the time.
The first set of rapids turned out to be small as compared to the rest of them throughout the day. They were a little bit more difficult because I didn't know what I was doing at all. The next time I go I should zip right through them, not because I am a wise, veteran paddler, but next time I'll know what to expect.
I believe the second set was the group where my picture was taken. It was a pretty good picture, and I'll post it as soon as I get it scanned. It was a bit more exciting, and as you pass one of the guides (SEPTEMBER) was yelling "Smile!".
"Did you end up in the water?"
Yes, twice.
The first time I was sideways going into the rapids and it was described to me that it all happened in slow motion to observers. I rolled over the side after fighting to stay vertical. It wasn't a big deal. I just kept ahold of the paddle and swam to the boat. One of the guides was already there. I threw my paddle back in the kayak and hauled myself in. The guide told me he liked the ones who rescued themselves. No big deal, I've been water skiing, tubing, canoeing, swimming in rushing rivers under waterfalls, and jet skiing, this was an extension of all those.
The second time was a bit on the unnerving side.
KAYA asked me to follow him. I did, but he stays in one place much better than I. (The river IS moving you know.) So while he was holding to get a good path I slipped down a rapid in a much different route than I had expected to go. I don't really think that was where he intended me to go either. As my boat caught on the rock at the top, I looked at him and said something to the effect of "This isn't going to be pretty."
Next thing I knew I was under water with the boat pressing down on me. It couldn't have been but a few seconds, but those things always seem like an eternity. My first thought was that the bottom of the boat was on my head and not moving. That wasn't going to be good at all if that was the case.
After some probing I found that the boat was upside down and that I could get my head into the inside - where there would be lots of air. Soon after I got my head out of the water KAYA was there flipping the boat over like we were playing hide and seek or something. "There you are! You ok?" he said laughingly.
"I'm fine but I dropped my paddle."
I tried catching up to the boat but it was a spot where the rocks weren't very deep in the water. So, I had to ride them down til the water deepened. Turns out the bottom of the river isn't "made by Disney" as KAYA said in the speech to the other boaters.
Another fact - rocks are hard.
Can't get anything past me.
I did get to my boat and someone brought me my paddle. I had to get myself to stop burping up river water while continuing. lol. That was probably the most intense part of the action.
The abandoning of the ship... not the burping.
Lunch was much better than I had expected. We stopped, they set up lunch meat, bread, cheese, condiments, apples, cookies, and a few other things - including wraps (for the low carb contingent?) on a big, flat, table sized rock. They brought water and tea. Everyone fended for themselves and seemed full when they left. I was impressed.
Lessons learned:
One guy said to me directly after my more intense confrontation with the water. (He was in a boat with a guide, and they were really worried when they didn't immediately see me come back up for air). "Before, when you were paddling down you seemed so laid back, and relaxed, and dry. Now, after all that, you still look laid back and completely relaxed... just wet now. What gives? What rattles you? You're completely calm and people in rafts out here are freaking out."
This reinforced what I have believed for a long time. You can do anything you want. You may even be able to do it well if you'll just do a couple of things. 1. Follow someone who is an expert at what you want to do. 2. Trust them implicitly. 3. Do whatever they say without question. 4. Keep your expectations low and focus on what they've told you to do, not what you think you can do. They'll take you further if you're ready. 5. Don't let anything rattle you. Early success can be that simple.
Was my trip something I'd consider successful? Absolutely! Was it successful to someone like KAYA's standards? Probably not at this point in their careers or hobbies, but I thought it was extremely successful for my first time. I did every single thing I wanted to yesterday - and smiled the entire time. I cherished every second I was on the water.
Lesson 2? This is one that I need to learn a lot more about.
You can't control everything.
I once said... "There's a difference - he wants power, he can have it. I want control."
If there's one thing you will quickly learn on the water it's that the river is in control. It is going to take you where it wants to go. Your only option is to make minor adjustments to the overall path that you'll take.
I kept finding myself, in the beginning, trying to put myself in exactly the right spot to go through the rapids. I found out quickly that the river doesn't always agree with that, and it responds by placing you where it wants you to be - or dumping you outright. By the end of the day, I understood that I was going to end up at point B from where I was. I would just have to pick my way through most of the time and take shots at getting a more exciting ride when I could take them.
It was kind of nice to relinquish control of my life for about 5 hours.
Lesson 3, big rapids mean big fun. Aka big risks equal a big reward. They also meant big consequences if you didn't make it through, but when you're enjoying the rewards you quickly forget about the risks involved.
I know that KAYA reads this all the time, and I can honestly say that I had one of the most exhilarating experiences in my entire life. I can't tell him how much I appreciated the trip.
Please tell me... how do you thank someone for that? When you receive gifts it's easy to reciprocate. When you receive a once in a lifetime adrenaline rush, do you send a card? All I can say is this:
KAYA KING absolutely lives up to his name.
Take care all. I hope you too will get to enjoy the Youghiogheny River from the same perspective I did, as a matter of fact I'm hearing rumblings of another "sponsored" trip for next year.
-Mo
CALYN, I hope things are well.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
All it took...
was one person, who dealt with things the way no one else had. Don't get me wrong. Lots of people have given me great advice, some are reading right now, but this was different. She said that "if anyone questions the way you do things tell them I told you to do it that way." She effectively took all the responsibility of failure from me. The difference is that she knows I won't fail, so she'll never have to defend me or herself. And, she said to do that even though she DIDN'T actually tell me how to do anything. It was more permission than command.
When everyone else gave support, she had my back. In my mind there's a huge difference. Supporters sit back and watch. They may lick your wounds when you come back battle scarred. She was going to battle with me.
It's the first time in a long time that I've felt that way. I always told people I had their back, and I meant it. Talk is cheap, results are required and excuses abound. She has my back, and it changed me into the person I wanted to be. I'm fearless.
Let me explain. She said to be "more agressive, step on toes to get where you want." Well, if there's one thing I'm not good at, it's stepping on toes. I tread lightly, it normally gets me to where I want to go because I paid attention the whole time, and found out what I needed to do to get there. I'm finding that stepping on a few toes is much more efficient. Any other time I tried to create a huge case against the problem, then proceed. Now I just tick the problem off til it leaves.
I went ahead and did what she said. I knew how all along, I just refused before. I think I raised a lot of eyebrows when I did. There was also a noticeable difference all the way around - mentally, emotionally, and physically. Now don't get too excited, I'm not. It was the first day, but tomorrow seems as if it's going to be that way too. I can feel it now.
One other thing happened. This is a study of the human mind... enjoy. With the new found freedom without fear, I was at a class reunion... not technically mine (long story). But I was there visiting old friends. I was pleasantly surprised to see a girl I'd known since she was little. She's a couple years younger than me (my brother's age, 25), but she's always been a gorgeous girl. We chatted for a bit and she seemed to want to make sure that I realized that the guy she was with was not her boyfriend. I don't know if that was a hint, but at the end of the evening just before I was about to leave, I figured I should tell her good night. I decided then and there, well someone's got my back. (I know it sounds stupid, but it was what I thought about.) I ran over before I left gave her a hug and asked her to dinner. WAY outta my league under the old rules of thought, but she said to call her. I don't know if I will. It doesn't really matter. What matters is results.
She said I could call.
That was the goal.
Mission accomplished.
I know this all sounds more complex than it is. I know I make it that way too... don't care.
Results. That's it.
When all is said and done. Everyone can say what they want, but doing something is completely diferent. I try to be a great ally, and sometimes I need one too. Many unnecessary failures have brought me to this point. People around me not letting me fail will get me out. They don't have to do anything, they just needed to give me a way to fail safely - that way I couldn't.
It's funny, that's always been my philosophy on the kids. Push them hard to get them where they want to go, but always be there as a safety net when they fall. They will fall and you want them to, because you want them to learn... from their mistakes; not to be terrified and hamstrung by them. That is where I'm trying to get to and from. Seems like I'm finding the right people to get me there.
I will not use her name or even a pseudonym here, but if she ever decides to read this... she needs to know that my gratitude is boundless for this one.
Take care.
-Mo
P.S.
I wrote this starting at nearly 3am... you have to forgive the ramblings... I just needed to get this one on paper, er screen.
When everyone else gave support, she had my back. In my mind there's a huge difference. Supporters sit back and watch. They may lick your wounds when you come back battle scarred. She was going to battle with me.
It's the first time in a long time that I've felt that way. I always told people I had their back, and I meant it. Talk is cheap, results are required and excuses abound. She has my back, and it changed me into the person I wanted to be. I'm fearless.
Let me explain. She said to be "more agressive, step on toes to get where you want." Well, if there's one thing I'm not good at, it's stepping on toes. I tread lightly, it normally gets me to where I want to go because I paid attention the whole time, and found out what I needed to do to get there. I'm finding that stepping on a few toes is much more efficient. Any other time I tried to create a huge case against the problem, then proceed. Now I just tick the problem off til it leaves.
I went ahead and did what she said. I knew how all along, I just refused before. I think I raised a lot of eyebrows when I did. There was also a noticeable difference all the way around - mentally, emotionally, and physically. Now don't get too excited, I'm not. It was the first day, but tomorrow seems as if it's going to be that way too. I can feel it now.
One other thing happened. This is a study of the human mind... enjoy. With the new found freedom without fear, I was at a class reunion... not technically mine (long story). But I was there visiting old friends. I was pleasantly surprised to see a girl I'd known since she was little. She's a couple years younger than me (my brother's age, 25), but she's always been a gorgeous girl. We chatted for a bit and she seemed to want to make sure that I realized that the guy she was with was not her boyfriend. I don't know if that was a hint, but at the end of the evening just before I was about to leave, I figured I should tell her good night. I decided then and there, well someone's got my back. (I know it sounds stupid, but it was what I thought about.) I ran over before I left gave her a hug and asked her to dinner. WAY outta my league under the old rules of thought, but she said to call her. I don't know if I will. It doesn't really matter. What matters is results.
She said I could call.
That was the goal.
Mission accomplished.
I know this all sounds more complex than it is. I know I make it that way too... don't care.
Results. That's it.
When all is said and done. Everyone can say what they want, but doing something is completely diferent. I try to be a great ally, and sometimes I need one too. Many unnecessary failures have brought me to this point. People around me not letting me fail will get me out. They don't have to do anything, they just needed to give me a way to fail safely - that way I couldn't.
It's funny, that's always been my philosophy on the kids. Push them hard to get them where they want to go, but always be there as a safety net when they fall. They will fall and you want them to, because you want them to learn... from their mistakes; not to be terrified and hamstrung by them. That is where I'm trying to get to and from. Seems like I'm finding the right people to get me there.
I will not use her name or even a pseudonym here, but if she ever decides to read this... she needs to know that my gratitude is boundless for this one.
Take care.
-Mo
P.S.
I wrote this starting at nearly 3am... you have to forgive the ramblings... I just needed to get this one on paper, er screen.
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