I was at Arby's today. I was standing in line thinking about some of the things I'd said about fear, and the lingering thoughts of what I had written. My mind actually came up with responses to the post. I thought, "I'm going to have to post to comments myself." Then, pondered some more until I came up with some more on the subject.
I came to a couple conclusions, and I was surprised when I made a connection between fear and gluttony.
The first part of it all starts with a major thought.
Sometimes you have to just act brave, and if you do that enough, you won't be afraid anymore.
Then, I was curious because it seems that the same actions which can lead us out of fear can much more easily lead us into personal travesty. I'll explain.
Call it slippery slope, desensitizing, whatever, but if you do something and get excitement out of it you will only be temporarily happy... if you abuse it's power over your emotions. If you continue to do that same "thing" you become desensitized to its effects on you, and you must find a bigger high to still feel something. So, if you eat more than you should at any meal and get a thrill out of that, then you will quickly begin to gain weight and need more to satiate that hunger each time you sit down.
Everyone understands that, but what they may not realize is that same process has to be employed to overcome fear. Whereas you would normally do things to give you a short lived emotional high, in fear you would do things out of your comfort zone to become desensitized to its effects.
Just a quick note, maybe more on it later, don't know. I don't know a whole lot right now, and it has me in the wrong frame of mind.
I'm tired, disappointed and grumpy. I won't be here for a couple days, so everyone take care til I get back.
Mo
Monday, July 26, 2004
Sunday, July 25, 2004
...And either he will succeed - or just suck.
The past two days have been met with a somewhat disturbing revelation. This revelation reinforces that which I already know, but hoped I was wrong about.
You will never make it anywhere in life if you have to rely on someone else to get there.
Story time:
So, the theory was pretty straightforward. I'd simply work in jewelry until I gained the experience necessary to go to the next level - management. I'd study in my free time. I'd study while I worked, and concentrate on what I already knew when I wasn't studying. I'd understand sales. I'd end up as a talented bench jeweler and designer. I'd make sure that I understood how business worked on a small scale and a large corporate scale. I'd make sacrifices of money, time, security and sanity. I'd prepare everyday waiting for an opportunity to arise. Then, when it did, I'd pounce on it. Not only would I dive in, I'd make a big splash too.
After, success at jewelry management, and advancement through a couple of rungs on the corporate ladder I'd jump. I'd start my own company. It wouldn't have anything to do with jewelry. I'd consult, and teach a new way of thinking about management.
The business plan is already finishded. I know how the advertising will work. I know how much PROFIT I'll make in the first year. I even know how much staff I'll need to hire. I know the office space I'll need, and I'm even pretty sure I know what my desk will eventually look like. I know what my expenses will be. I can even tell you that I'd be able to run at a profit from the beginning. Mind you, it may be a small profit initially, but, within one year, it'll grow to be huge.
The only thing that I lack at this point in time is credibility. "What does an unproven hick with no degree from the hills of Western Maryland know about business? He has no management experience on his resume whatsoever. If he's so good then why is he still searching for that perfect employer? Why does he need anything at all? He's got it aaaaaalllll figured out.", and I do. lol. (I don't, but I've figured out a great deal more than my current and former employers.) The difference between them and me is the fact that I understand one basic truth. I'm not right all the time.
I spend everyday doing three things:
1. Having a correct opinion, attitude, and purpose in my own profession, and in my own life.
2. Planning on what I'll do and how I'll react when I'm inevitably wrong.
and
3. Studying to figure out how to modify my current behavior and opinions to support #1.
It sounds boring, but that's all autopilot stuff. It comes naturally to everyone... at least the first two. That, is what separates me, and many other people from my former employers. They do the first two parts well, but they will be beaten by someone who does the third part, and crushed by someone who's good at it.
"When you are not practicing, remember; someone, somewhere, is practicing, and when you meet him he will win." - Ed Macauley
I'll run things differently. I understand what employees are looking for, and I'm willing to give it to them. This isn't arrogance talking. This is the same as you or anyone else saying that one and one makes two. It's something I've learned through study. Management is something that can be learned, and I can prove it. You just need to have the right teachers. I've found the right books, and, if examples on how not to do things are good teachers, then I guess I have had the best. But there is someone out there who understands exactly what I'm saying. I haven't found them yet, but they're out there.
This has led me to an unsettling conclusion. I need to be that teacher - somehow. I had hoped to go the easy route: become a store manager and train people to be better people, not better employees. i would raise their standards, and in doing so, I'd create an environment where everyone was challenged yet happy and supportive.
It would be a team atmosphere, and in that vein there would be unfortunate cuts to the roster. The reason for those cuts being that I would build the best team possible all the time. This would create a sort of utopia for my staff because as long as they worked to be the best they are always safe. Always. I will always go to bat for them. I will take the punishment from up above because I know that my team is the best team possible, and they will succeed from it.
There'd unfortunately, be no room for gimmes. Everyone has to perform all the time. There will always be room for fun, and lots of it, but we will be there to accomplish our goals first, no matter what we have to do in order to accomplish them.
We will work hard to play very hard.
That was the plan, and it still may be, but for now it looks like I have some difficult decisions to make. The store that I was told that I'd be taking over is the performing well above expectations since the time I've been hired. The manager is obviously doing something right, and I commend them for that. I have no desire to move anywhere else in the region I'm in, even if there was an opening. (I hear that a store in western NY is available... brrrr) So, that means I have to find a different region to go to in order to take a manager's job (most likely scenario... hopefully in the Baltimore/DC area - at least I have lots of friends there). Or, I have to start my own company and just market around any credibility issues (I've talked about this for years, but I just always wanted to be a bit more secure financially before going this route). Stick it out with the region I'm in and wait for someone to screw up in the two places I'd accept (not at this pay rate). Or, go work for a different company (the least likely of all scenarios).
I'll know more info about my current status on Tuesday, but I think it looks grim. Most of you don't realize the frustrations I've had in dealing with jobs where things were promised, but never delivered. This is one more time that it's happened. Eventually, you'd think I'd come to expect it, but I always hold out hope that maybe this manager will be the one to show me that they worked harder to get where they are than I did to remain where I am. The frustration mounts.
So, tomorrow I'm off to a store in West, by God, Virginia. I'll be working with someone who carries a loaded gun to work, and she is not a cop (or fbi agent). It could be interseting. I guess I'd better compliment her on her hair.
Tuesday I plan to be in the Baltimore/DC area, and I'll stay til Wednesday. It'll be fun, I can't wait. So, you may not get an update til Thursday or Friday.
Take care.
Mo
You will never make it anywhere in life if you have to rely on someone else to get there.
Story time:
So, the theory was pretty straightforward. I'd simply work in jewelry until I gained the experience necessary to go to the next level - management. I'd study in my free time. I'd study while I worked, and concentrate on what I already knew when I wasn't studying. I'd understand sales. I'd end up as a talented bench jeweler and designer. I'd make sure that I understood how business worked on a small scale and a large corporate scale. I'd make sacrifices of money, time, security and sanity. I'd prepare everyday waiting for an opportunity to arise. Then, when it did, I'd pounce on it. Not only would I dive in, I'd make a big splash too.
After, success at jewelry management, and advancement through a couple of rungs on the corporate ladder I'd jump. I'd start my own company. It wouldn't have anything to do with jewelry. I'd consult, and teach a new way of thinking about management.
The business plan is already finishded. I know how the advertising will work. I know how much PROFIT I'll make in the first year. I even know how much staff I'll need to hire. I know the office space I'll need, and I'm even pretty sure I know what my desk will eventually look like. I know what my expenses will be. I can even tell you that I'd be able to run at a profit from the beginning. Mind you, it may be a small profit initially, but, within one year, it'll grow to be huge.
The only thing that I lack at this point in time is credibility. "What does an unproven hick with no degree from the hills of Western Maryland know about business? He has no management experience on his resume whatsoever. If he's so good then why is he still searching for that perfect employer? Why does he need anything at all? He's got it aaaaaalllll figured out.", and I do. lol. (I don't, but I've figured out a great deal more than my current and former employers.) The difference between them and me is the fact that I understand one basic truth. I'm not right all the time.
I spend everyday doing three things:
1. Having a correct opinion, attitude, and purpose in my own profession, and in my own life.
2. Planning on what I'll do and how I'll react when I'm inevitably wrong.
and
3. Studying to figure out how to modify my current behavior and opinions to support #1.
It sounds boring, but that's all autopilot stuff. It comes naturally to everyone... at least the first two. That, is what separates me, and many other people from my former employers. They do the first two parts well, but they will be beaten by someone who does the third part, and crushed by someone who's good at it.
"When you are not practicing, remember; someone, somewhere, is practicing, and when you meet him he will win." - Ed Macauley
I'll run things differently. I understand what employees are looking for, and I'm willing to give it to them. This isn't arrogance talking. This is the same as you or anyone else saying that one and one makes two. It's something I've learned through study. Management is something that can be learned, and I can prove it. You just need to have the right teachers. I've found the right books, and, if examples on how not to do things are good teachers, then I guess I have had the best. But there is someone out there who understands exactly what I'm saying. I haven't found them yet, but they're out there.
This has led me to an unsettling conclusion. I need to be that teacher - somehow. I had hoped to go the easy route: become a store manager and train people to be better people, not better employees. i would raise their standards, and in doing so, I'd create an environment where everyone was challenged yet happy and supportive.
It would be a team atmosphere, and in that vein there would be unfortunate cuts to the roster. The reason for those cuts being that I would build the best team possible all the time. This would create a sort of utopia for my staff because as long as they worked to be the best they are always safe. Always. I will always go to bat for them. I will take the punishment from up above because I know that my team is the best team possible, and they will succeed from it.
There'd unfortunately, be no room for gimmes. Everyone has to perform all the time. There will always be room for fun, and lots of it, but we will be there to accomplish our goals first, no matter what we have to do in order to accomplish them.
We will work hard to play very hard.
That was the plan, and it still may be, but for now it looks like I have some difficult decisions to make. The store that I was told that I'd be taking over is the performing well above expectations since the time I've been hired. The manager is obviously doing something right, and I commend them for that. I have no desire to move anywhere else in the region I'm in, even if there was an opening. (I hear that a store in western NY is available... brrrr) So, that means I have to find a different region to go to in order to take a manager's job (most likely scenario... hopefully in the Baltimore/DC area - at least I have lots of friends there). Or, I have to start my own company and just market around any credibility issues (I've talked about this for years, but I just always wanted to be a bit more secure financially before going this route). Stick it out with the region I'm in and wait for someone to screw up in the two places I'd accept (not at this pay rate). Or, go work for a different company (the least likely of all scenarios).
I'll know more info about my current status on Tuesday, but I think it looks grim. Most of you don't realize the frustrations I've had in dealing with jobs where things were promised, but never delivered. This is one more time that it's happened. Eventually, you'd think I'd come to expect it, but I always hold out hope that maybe this manager will be the one to show me that they worked harder to get where they are than I did to remain where I am. The frustration mounts.
So, tomorrow I'm off to a store in West, by God, Virginia. I'll be working with someone who carries a loaded gun to work, and she is not a cop (or fbi agent). It could be interseting. I guess I'd better compliment her on her hair.
Tuesday I plan to be in the Baltimore/DC area, and I'll stay til Wednesday. It'll be fun, I can't wait. So, you may not get an update til Thursday or Friday.
Take care.
Mo
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Rain drops on roses, and whiskers... you didn't really think I'd continue?
Let's talk about the things I like. This is a pretty difficult topic overall. You try listing things in life you like. Not only that, I have a no addiction policy. I don't do anything I couldn't give up tomorrow - the only exception is relationships (and that is still up in the air as to whether it should be on the list). This keeps me free from doing too much of anything. It also keeps me somewhat healthy.
So, where do we start? How about music? It'll probably take a bit. Music is a very large part of my existence. I sang before I spoke (You Light Up My Life - proof that I was an abused child. just kidding mom, but have you really listened to that? My mother played that song enough times that I began to sing it even though I COULDN'T YET FORM WORDS!!!! BTW, don't ask me to sing it. I don't like it, and it won't happen. I write this for your entertainment - not my abuse.) My grandmothers both enjoyed music, so they made sure I was familiarized with piano classics and "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" when I was still small. My parents listened to Barry Manilow, and Kenny Rogers when I was a kid. I still know every word to the gambler, and Kenny has a special place in my memories. Barry, well, I could take it or leave it now.
As I developed my own tastes they became rather diversified. I could really listen to just about anyone by the time I graduated high school, and enjoy them.
Quick sidenote:
I sang all through elementary school and had a pretty promising future, I guess. I was in every play and performed well. Then, in middle school I wanted to continue drumming more than I wanted to continue singing. I had to basically make a choice. So, I gave up singing (probably a good idea since my voice would have changed there). When I reached high school, I took interest in this girl that was in the band. She paid me a bit of attention, and flirted enough that she easily convinced me to join the show choir. I did, didn't get the girl, but the music career went into high gear then. Two time All-State, scholarships, leads in plays, only band to perform at after prom party... it redefined my high school career - thanks Laurie... I think. I even went to college as a vocal music major.
While at college they figured out how to drain any enjoyment I may have had singing. It became vocal math, an unending drive to perfection that wasn't really a scenic trip. That's how I switched my major to theatre... and haven't performed since.
I half-jokingly say I'm retired, but there was an instructor in college who was exactly right. He said, "If you think you enjoy singing now, wait til you reach your early thirties." I'm not quite there yet, but already see what he's talking about. My range has actually increased, and breath support is much easier now. It really is amazing. This may bring me out of retirement some day, but it'll take a very good reason. I won't even sing karaoke because I know I'll only criticize my performance afterwards, whether I did well or not. It just doesn't seem worth the self torment. If you want to hear me sing (most of my closest friends haven't), think of a good enough reason with enough time in advance, and I'm sure I could theoretically accommodate. Guess we'll have to see.
I guess that brings us to right now. What do I like?
Right now, I'm listening to Dainbramage on iTunes. It's a Modern Rock station. I was in the mood. I also listen to HitzRadio, and MakRadio, both top 40 stations. I listen to some jazz stations, mostly smooth jazz, and an Ambient station called Magnatune. iTunes, I blasted you at first, but you've quickly become my favorite.
As far as artists...
I just bought the Maroon 5 cd, and I really Love it. Top to bottom very good. I also like other bands for being good top to bottom... 3 Doors Down, Train and Linkin Park. I like a fair amount of rap/hip hop. Twista seems to come to the front of my head, his track with Sting (Stolen Car) should be heard by everyone, if only for the appreciation of speed. Norah Jones is great, I also listen to as much Andy Narrell as I can find because I helped make drums for him in college (more on that later). He's an amazingly good pan (steel drum) player. Blue Man Group. and Stomp! are great too.
Can't forget a couple others. Garth Brooks, great, but don't listen a lot anymore (some people with warped vision think I look like him - minus the Stetson). The Tony Rich Project... awesome. Bubba Sparxxx, nice job on the last album.
Favorite song of all time?
Barenaked Ladies... One Week. Is there a song that is any more fun than that one in existence?
Movies
Rounders comes to mind. I Loved watching the thought process throughout. Fight Club, great script. Seven, same reason as well as The Sixth Sense. Super Troopers (Do not, I repeat do NOT watch Club Dread!!!! It should only be viewed if you've been captured by a sadistic secret society that has forced you too.) and Old School, they could be two of the funniest movies I've ever seen along with Bad Boys 2.
TV
Don't watch it, but I'll take a stab. Penn and Teller's Bullsh*t! is good. CSI, everyone likes it. I like to cook, a lot, so I enjoy watching Alton Brown on Good Eats. Emeril, and Bobby Flay, now I just need a good set of knives and I'll be able to cook just like them. lol
Lately, I only watch sports. which leads me to the next part.
Sports
There is only one team that I will not miss under any circumstances (I say that, but it's only to look tough, lol. If I have to work or whatever, I work.). WVU's football team. I am a big fan. If you've never been to a college football game, it's different than any sporting event than you've ever been too. My friends, who aren't even WVU fans, Love going to games, most, more than pro games.
Behind them comes the Redskins, I can't wait to see what Gibbs does, but I think I'm one of the few people who would have liked to have seen what Steve Spurrier could have done in a few years.
I'm a Lakers fan. Next year should be interesting. They'll be okay with Kobe at the healm, but I can't imagine dominance. Shaq was a big problem. If he put forth the effort he'll put forth going to Miami, they'd have never lost in L.A. (BTW, my feelings on the Bryant case... touchy subject. I think he had sex with her, it got out of hand, and he should have stopped where he was. I do, however, believe it was consensual in the beginning. He's still guilty of a few things, and it's sad to see someone with so much potential tarnish his impeccable reputation. It's worse to see that he possibly ruined some poor girl's life. I say possibly, because there is still a slim possibility that she's gold digging, but I doubt it.)
Like the Cubs, but haven't watched them in a while. Same way with the Penguins. Tony Stewart if you're going to press me for NASCAR, but that was only cause I read an article about him when he was a rookie about how he'd blast Metallica in his car if he could have a stereo - even though I don't like Metallica, I just liked his attitude.
Here's a weird one... favorite sports owner, Mark Cuban (http://www.blogmaverick.com) he's brilliant, and so is his blog.
Internet
Home page, http://www.fark.com, the best site ever. It's hilarious, and informative. It's normally all the news I need to know. Other news... http://news.google.com, http://www.usatoday.com. Daily reads... http://artsandlettersdaily.com, http://www.askmen.com, http://www.espn.com, Xbox news from http://www.teamxbox.com, and my new favorite web site, just because it's a really cool concept and the prices are really good is http://www.woot.com. I found it through a neat tech blog named http://www.engadget.com
Console
Simple -Xbox. Xbox Live is amazing, wonderful technology.
Car
Nissan 350Z, don't have one, but if someone's buying... I'd like it in Silver.
Books
That's another tough one. The 48 Laws of Power comes to mind as an amazingly good read. Don't read too much into the title. I saw an article on it in USAToday and decided to check it out. I didn't regret it. Dale Carnegie's stuff is amazing. Doug Hall's Jump Start Your Brain is absolutely perfect. Tony Robbins seems to have his finger on the "change your life pulse" as does Mark Victor Hansen. Zig Ziglar is an amazing salesperson who's adored worlwide, an amazing feat for a salesperson. lol. His autobiography, Zig, was really very good. Fiction: John Saul, and Dean Koontz are both good, but I don't read much fiction.
What am I reading right now? Ordinary People Extraordinary Wealth, Ric Edelman, (pretty neat), Zig's Secrets of Closing the Sale (it'll change your perspective on the sales profession), and Managing Your Mind: The Mental Fitness Guide, Gillian Butler, and Tony Hope. However, I'm lucky that The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown is allowing me to write. It's been tough to put down since page one. The pacing is amazing in it.
Comedians
Eddie Izzard. I never thought I'd laugh that hard at a transvestite, but he proved me wrong. He could be the most intelligent comedian out there. I don't know that he'd accept that as a compliment. He'd probably say something like, "Well, ... you don't hear anyone saying that he's the funniest quantum theorist I've ever met. Bloody hell, that just makes no sense." lol
Ron white has taken his place near the top too. His routine about having his dog studded out, I'm grinning just thinking about it.
Most Influential Teacher
Harold Surratt. He's been in several movies and I can nearly guarantee you've seen him in at least one. They are just bit parts, but who cares? Let me tell you why he's amazing. I attended his acting class every day in the semester I had it in college, so did everyone else - even though it was an 8 am class. He was great, and he taught us mostly improv, but what he taught me was much more.
Harold is black. That's relevant, but only at the end of the story. Disclaimer: I am not nor will ever be anywhere near racist.
One morning in Harold's class we have to give a speech. We're to be an "expert" on something. I was sitting there watching everyone else go, trying to decide just what I was going to be an "expert" of. One person drank Diet Coke all the time - she was an expert on that. One had performed ballet all her life - she was an expert on ballet. Another, tap dancing - expert on tap dancing, knew Phantom of the Opera inside and out - expert, etc. etc. etc.
I didn't want to do anything I was really an expert on, so it took me time to come up with it, but I finally did - Pocket Lint. It would be perfect. I could make up whatever I didn't know. Then when my required 2 minute Q&A session came I'd make that up too. This was going to be so much fun... and it was.
3 minutes blazed by. I told them everything they wanted to "know" about pocket lint. I had changed my voice to sound like something out of Monty Python, and they were laughing so hard that tears were streaming down their faces.
Then came the question and answer session. "Which is better, pocket or dryer lint?", "Where does belly button lint come from, and what relationship does it have with pocket lint?", "Are specific colors of pocket lint better than others?".... They were all great questions which I answered with enthusiastic "facts". Then Harold raised his hand. The questions were easy so far, I just made everything up. I was going to do the same to him. I had this in the bag... can't rattle me now... "What is your name?"
That may seem like a simple question, but as soon as I went to answer I caught myself. I can't be me. I am not an expert on pocket lint. Yes, I could rationalize that there was somebody else in the world, with the same name as mine, that was an expert on pocket lint, but that wasn't the point of the exercise.
My name? What kind of question is that? Come on, everyone else had easy ones. You can't ask me that one. What's my name?
"Consuelo."
Don't ask me where it came from. I don't know, but it was not only right - it was hilarious.
I made it through the tough question. The rest would be easy more "product info" questions which I breezed through. Then, something completely unexpected happened.
Harold raised his hand again.
He can't ask me another question. He only asked everyone else one. Why do I get two? It doesn't matter. I already got the hardest question, this one will probably be about pocket lint...
"Where are you from?"
Once again, a deceptively simple question. I couldn't originate from where I was really from because that person, "Consuelo", didn't live there, and we all knew it.
Oh come on! This isn't even fair anymore. Everyone else gets the easy questions. I get the tough ones. I can't even believe this. I thought he would appreciate this, but man, he's not making it easy on me at all here.
"East Africa."
I know where that one came from. Harold was laughing so hard by this time that he told me to sit down early. He was literally rolling on the floor, as were several others. I was doing everything to keep a straight face, but it wasn't working well at all.
"Sit down, sit down." Through gut wrenching laughter. "I can't take any more.", as he wiped tears from his eyes.
I sat there through the rest of the class. I was proud of my work, but this thought kept running through my head. I didn't mean anything by the "East Africa" remark, but he was the only black guy in the room. He really could have taken offense to that, and in no way shape or form did I want him to feel that way. So, after class, I went up to him.
"Harold, I just wanted you to know. The comment, um about uh 'East Africa', well I just wanted you to know - I didn't mean anything at all by that..." to which he cut me off immediately.
"Bill," he said, "you were in the moment. There you were, up in front of everyone and they were asking you everything. You answered them all. I threw you a curve. You took one look at me and you did exactly what you were supposed to do... it was perfect. Please, don't think anything of it, I didn't."
...I did, but not because I was worried about having offended him. I have thought about it a lot in my life because he showed a certain level of unexpected tolerance that I respect so much to this day.
Harold once asked me if I ever thought about going into comedy. I honestly hadn't, but he had a way of making you believe that you could... if you just wanted too. He could make you think that you could be John Wayne, Mel Gibson, Kenneth Brannagh, Clint Eastwood, Frank Sinatra, Lawrence Olivier, and Richard Pryor all wrapped into one, if you just believed.
Thank you Harold. I can't wait to see you again wherever you may be.
Food
I like Asian cuisines, doesn't matter where from. Don't like sushi. Italian is good, Manicotti, Lasagna, Spaghetti - it has to be home made sauce otherwise, no. Love seafood. My grandfather owns a cattle farm, so I like good steaks (who doesn't), but nine times out of ten I don't have a very memorable steak at a restaurant. Applebee's - coconut shrimp... mmmmm. There is a heaven. Speaking of heaven... tiramisu. If you've never had it, do not pass go, do not collect $200, go find some. Might I recommend Puglioni's in Morgantown, the first place I ever tried it.
My cooking specialty... probably pork chops stuffed with a blue cheese stuffing. It's very good, but I rarely get to make it.
That should take care of you getting to know me better, glad you stuck it out til the end. I'm sure I could have thought of more, but it's getting late. Anything else you want to know... post to comments. Take care.
Mo
So, where do we start? How about music? It'll probably take a bit. Music is a very large part of my existence. I sang before I spoke (You Light Up My Life - proof that I was an abused child. just kidding mom, but have you really listened to that? My mother played that song enough times that I began to sing it even though I COULDN'T YET FORM WORDS!!!! BTW, don't ask me to sing it. I don't like it, and it won't happen. I write this for your entertainment - not my abuse.) My grandmothers both enjoyed music, so they made sure I was familiarized with piano classics and "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" when I was still small. My parents listened to Barry Manilow, and Kenny Rogers when I was a kid. I still know every word to the gambler, and Kenny has a special place in my memories. Barry, well, I could take it or leave it now.
As I developed my own tastes they became rather diversified. I could really listen to just about anyone by the time I graduated high school, and enjoy them.
Quick sidenote:
I sang all through elementary school and had a pretty promising future, I guess. I was in every play and performed well. Then, in middle school I wanted to continue drumming more than I wanted to continue singing. I had to basically make a choice. So, I gave up singing (probably a good idea since my voice would have changed there). When I reached high school, I took interest in this girl that was in the band. She paid me a bit of attention, and flirted enough that she easily convinced me to join the show choir. I did, didn't get the girl, but the music career went into high gear then. Two time All-State, scholarships, leads in plays, only band to perform at after prom party... it redefined my high school career - thanks Laurie... I think. I even went to college as a vocal music major.
While at college they figured out how to drain any enjoyment I may have had singing. It became vocal math, an unending drive to perfection that wasn't really a scenic trip. That's how I switched my major to theatre... and haven't performed since.
I half-jokingly say I'm retired, but there was an instructor in college who was exactly right. He said, "If you think you enjoy singing now, wait til you reach your early thirties." I'm not quite there yet, but already see what he's talking about. My range has actually increased, and breath support is much easier now. It really is amazing. This may bring me out of retirement some day, but it'll take a very good reason. I won't even sing karaoke because I know I'll only criticize my performance afterwards, whether I did well or not. It just doesn't seem worth the self torment. If you want to hear me sing (most of my closest friends haven't), think of a good enough reason with enough time in advance, and I'm sure I could theoretically accommodate. Guess we'll have to see.
I guess that brings us to right now. What do I like?
Right now, I'm listening to Dainbramage on iTunes. It's a Modern Rock station. I was in the mood. I also listen to HitzRadio, and MakRadio, both top 40 stations. I listen to some jazz stations, mostly smooth jazz, and an Ambient station called Magnatune. iTunes, I blasted you at first, but you've quickly become my favorite.
As far as artists...
I just bought the Maroon 5 cd, and I really Love it. Top to bottom very good. I also like other bands for being good top to bottom... 3 Doors Down, Train and Linkin Park. I like a fair amount of rap/hip hop. Twista seems to come to the front of my head, his track with Sting (Stolen Car) should be heard by everyone, if only for the appreciation of speed. Norah Jones is great, I also listen to as much Andy Narrell as I can find because I helped make drums for him in college (more on that later). He's an amazingly good pan (steel drum) player. Blue Man Group. and Stomp! are great too.
Can't forget a couple others. Garth Brooks, great, but don't listen a lot anymore (some people with warped vision think I look like him - minus the Stetson). The Tony Rich Project... awesome. Bubba Sparxxx, nice job on the last album.
Favorite song of all time?
Barenaked Ladies... One Week. Is there a song that is any more fun than that one in existence?
Movies
Rounders comes to mind. I Loved watching the thought process throughout. Fight Club, great script. Seven, same reason as well as The Sixth Sense. Super Troopers (Do not, I repeat do NOT watch Club Dread!!!! It should only be viewed if you've been captured by a sadistic secret society that has forced you too.) and Old School, they could be two of the funniest movies I've ever seen along with Bad Boys 2.
TV
Don't watch it, but I'll take a stab. Penn and Teller's Bullsh*t! is good. CSI, everyone likes it. I like to cook, a lot, so I enjoy watching Alton Brown on Good Eats. Emeril, and Bobby Flay, now I just need a good set of knives and I'll be able to cook just like them. lol
Lately, I only watch sports. which leads me to the next part.
Sports
There is only one team that I will not miss under any circumstances (I say that, but it's only to look tough, lol. If I have to work or whatever, I work.). WVU's football team. I am a big fan. If you've never been to a college football game, it's different than any sporting event than you've ever been too. My friends, who aren't even WVU fans, Love going to games, most, more than pro games.
Behind them comes the Redskins, I can't wait to see what Gibbs does, but I think I'm one of the few people who would have liked to have seen what Steve Spurrier could have done in a few years.
I'm a Lakers fan. Next year should be interesting. They'll be okay with Kobe at the healm, but I can't imagine dominance. Shaq was a big problem. If he put forth the effort he'll put forth going to Miami, they'd have never lost in L.A. (BTW, my feelings on the Bryant case... touchy subject. I think he had sex with her, it got out of hand, and he should have stopped where he was. I do, however, believe it was consensual in the beginning. He's still guilty of a few things, and it's sad to see someone with so much potential tarnish his impeccable reputation. It's worse to see that he possibly ruined some poor girl's life. I say possibly, because there is still a slim possibility that she's gold digging, but I doubt it.)
Like the Cubs, but haven't watched them in a while. Same way with the Penguins. Tony Stewart if you're going to press me for NASCAR, but that was only cause I read an article about him when he was a rookie about how he'd blast Metallica in his car if he could have a stereo - even though I don't like Metallica, I just liked his attitude.
Here's a weird one... favorite sports owner, Mark Cuban (http://www.blogmaverick.com) he's brilliant, and so is his blog.
Internet
Home page, http://www.fark.com, the best site ever. It's hilarious, and informative. It's normally all the news I need to know. Other news... http://news.google.com, http://www.usatoday.com. Daily reads... http://artsandlettersdaily.com, http://www.askmen.com, http://www.espn.com, Xbox news from http://www.teamxbox.com, and my new favorite web site, just because it's a really cool concept and the prices are really good is http://www.woot.com. I found it through a neat tech blog named http://www.engadget.com
Console
Simple -Xbox. Xbox Live is amazing, wonderful technology.
Car
Nissan 350Z, don't have one, but if someone's buying... I'd like it in Silver.
Books
That's another tough one. The 48 Laws of Power comes to mind as an amazingly good read. Don't read too much into the title. I saw an article on it in USAToday and decided to check it out. I didn't regret it. Dale Carnegie's stuff is amazing. Doug Hall's Jump Start Your Brain is absolutely perfect. Tony Robbins seems to have his finger on the "change your life pulse" as does Mark Victor Hansen. Zig Ziglar is an amazing salesperson who's adored worlwide, an amazing feat for a salesperson. lol. His autobiography, Zig, was really very good. Fiction: John Saul, and Dean Koontz are both good, but I don't read much fiction.
What am I reading right now? Ordinary People Extraordinary Wealth, Ric Edelman, (pretty neat), Zig's Secrets of Closing the Sale (it'll change your perspective on the sales profession), and Managing Your Mind: The Mental Fitness Guide, Gillian Butler, and Tony Hope. However, I'm lucky that The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown is allowing me to write. It's been tough to put down since page one. The pacing is amazing in it.
Comedians
Eddie Izzard. I never thought I'd laugh that hard at a transvestite, but he proved me wrong. He could be the most intelligent comedian out there. I don't know that he'd accept that as a compliment. He'd probably say something like, "Well, ... you don't hear anyone saying that he's the funniest quantum theorist I've ever met. Bloody hell, that just makes no sense." lol
Ron white has taken his place near the top too. His routine about having his dog studded out, I'm grinning just thinking about it.
Most Influential Teacher
Harold Surratt. He's been in several movies and I can nearly guarantee you've seen him in at least one. They are just bit parts, but who cares? Let me tell you why he's amazing. I attended his acting class every day in the semester I had it in college, so did everyone else - even though it was an 8 am class. He was great, and he taught us mostly improv, but what he taught me was much more.
Harold is black. That's relevant, but only at the end of the story. Disclaimer: I am not nor will ever be anywhere near racist.
One morning in Harold's class we have to give a speech. We're to be an "expert" on something. I was sitting there watching everyone else go, trying to decide just what I was going to be an "expert" of. One person drank Diet Coke all the time - she was an expert on that. One had performed ballet all her life - she was an expert on ballet. Another, tap dancing - expert on tap dancing, knew Phantom of the Opera inside and out - expert, etc. etc. etc.
I didn't want to do anything I was really an expert on, so it took me time to come up with it, but I finally did - Pocket Lint. It would be perfect. I could make up whatever I didn't know. Then when my required 2 minute Q&A session came I'd make that up too. This was going to be so much fun... and it was.
3 minutes blazed by. I told them everything they wanted to "know" about pocket lint. I had changed my voice to sound like something out of Monty Python, and they were laughing so hard that tears were streaming down their faces.
Then came the question and answer session. "Which is better, pocket or dryer lint?", "Where does belly button lint come from, and what relationship does it have with pocket lint?", "Are specific colors of pocket lint better than others?".... They were all great questions which I answered with enthusiastic "facts". Then Harold raised his hand. The questions were easy so far, I just made everything up. I was going to do the same to him. I had this in the bag... can't rattle me now... "What is your name?"
That may seem like a simple question, but as soon as I went to answer I caught myself. I can't be me. I am not an expert on pocket lint. Yes, I could rationalize that there was somebody else in the world, with the same name as mine, that was an expert on pocket lint, but that wasn't the point of the exercise.
My name? What kind of question is that? Come on, everyone else had easy ones. You can't ask me that one. What's my name?
"Consuelo."
Don't ask me where it came from. I don't know, but it was not only right - it was hilarious.
I made it through the tough question. The rest would be easy more "product info" questions which I breezed through. Then, something completely unexpected happened.
Harold raised his hand again.
He can't ask me another question. He only asked everyone else one. Why do I get two? It doesn't matter. I already got the hardest question, this one will probably be about pocket lint...
"Where are you from?"
Once again, a deceptively simple question. I couldn't originate from where I was really from because that person, "Consuelo", didn't live there, and we all knew it.
Oh come on! This isn't even fair anymore. Everyone else gets the easy questions. I get the tough ones. I can't even believe this. I thought he would appreciate this, but man, he's not making it easy on me at all here.
"East Africa."
I know where that one came from. Harold was laughing so hard by this time that he told me to sit down early. He was literally rolling on the floor, as were several others. I was doing everything to keep a straight face, but it wasn't working well at all.
"Sit down, sit down." Through gut wrenching laughter. "I can't take any more.", as he wiped tears from his eyes.
I sat there through the rest of the class. I was proud of my work, but this thought kept running through my head. I didn't mean anything by the "East Africa" remark, but he was the only black guy in the room. He really could have taken offense to that, and in no way shape or form did I want him to feel that way. So, after class, I went up to him.
"Harold, I just wanted you to know. The comment, um about uh 'East Africa', well I just wanted you to know - I didn't mean anything at all by that..." to which he cut me off immediately.
"Bill," he said, "you were in the moment. There you were, up in front of everyone and they were asking you everything. You answered them all. I threw you a curve. You took one look at me and you did exactly what you were supposed to do... it was perfect. Please, don't think anything of it, I didn't."
...I did, but not because I was worried about having offended him. I have thought about it a lot in my life because he showed a certain level of unexpected tolerance that I respect so much to this day.
Harold once asked me if I ever thought about going into comedy. I honestly hadn't, but he had a way of making you believe that you could... if you just wanted too. He could make you think that you could be John Wayne, Mel Gibson, Kenneth Brannagh, Clint Eastwood, Frank Sinatra, Lawrence Olivier, and Richard Pryor all wrapped into one, if you just believed.
Thank you Harold. I can't wait to see you again wherever you may be.
Food
I like Asian cuisines, doesn't matter where from. Don't like sushi. Italian is good, Manicotti, Lasagna, Spaghetti - it has to be home made sauce otherwise, no. Love seafood. My grandfather owns a cattle farm, so I like good steaks (who doesn't), but nine times out of ten I don't have a very memorable steak at a restaurant. Applebee's - coconut shrimp... mmmmm. There is a heaven. Speaking of heaven... tiramisu. If you've never had it, do not pass go, do not collect $200, go find some. Might I recommend Puglioni's in Morgantown, the first place I ever tried it.
My cooking specialty... probably pork chops stuffed with a blue cheese stuffing. It's very good, but I rarely get to make it.
That should take care of you getting to know me better, glad you stuck it out til the end. I'm sure I could have thought of more, but it's getting late. Anything else you want to know... post to comments. Take care.
Mo
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Never scared?
What are we afraid of? Are we afraid we'll get hurt? Are we too scared of the bad things in life that we won't enjoy the good things? Do we fear that we're being lied too? What is it?
Why is it so much easier to hide what is truly felt? Why is that even encouraged? I mean, it seems that every time I want to say what I think or feel, this little voice inside my head reminds me that it may not be worth it, and I agree. It may not be. As a matter of fact, when it comes right down to it I've found that the better solution is to just shut up (don't always do that well).
Sometimes these answers are simple: it all goes back to putting your hand on a hot stove as a kid. I've been burned and so have you. We all have. The problem is... It didn't kill us, it just hurt a little. So, why are we so scared now? Now, it seems that a lot of times I won't even go near my - metaphorical - stove. I don't even like to stand in the same room with it.
I think, for me at least, at this point in time in my life, my future is VERY important. There are many things that I'm looking forward to doing. I have never enjoyed them before, so this will be out of my usual routine. With that comes my thought process on everything:
"If you keep on doing what you've always done; you're gonna keep on getting what you've always gotten."
It's that simple. Before, I left my nose out there to be punched... and it bled. This time, my guard has to be up. Maybe this time I'll charge in, instead of strolling in. I don't know, but this time I'll wear a different color. Anything that I can do to avoid "...doing what I've already done.", can put me on the right path.
It doesn't help that sometimes it feels like I'm taking stabs in the dark, but you know what? You don't know when that's happening - only I do. That's the beauty of a theatre background. lol. It's about time I took advantage of the little college I've attended.
If I sound like I'm trying to convince myself... there's a reason - I am, and I'll bet you are too.
The real issues fall under the category of relationships. If you think about it, every decision we make is based on our relationship with someone... no matter how distant that may be. We are so afraid that people won't like us when they find out what we're hiding from them (regardless of its trivial nature) that it's just easier to not even get close. We really aren't being fair to ourselves or the people around us when we close up like that. Missed opportunities will be our undoing in life.
I'll give an example:
My biggest difficulty in seeing people, post ex-wife, has been explaining that I have two kids. There's a very small window of opportunity to discuss it with people I'm interested in. Too early, and they think that it's too much too quick. Too late, and they think you're trying to hide something from them. It's very difficult to time it just right, and I was always kind of embarrassed talking about them. Not because I'm ashamed of my kids... they're the best, I have witnesses. More because I'm somewhat ashamed of myself.
I really wanted them to grow up in a happy home with a mother and father just like I did, and I feel as if in some way I have failed them in not succeeding. I know, there wasn't anything I could do, but that qualifies as an excuse for myself. I'm not here to make up excuses. I failed - period. People fail every day; doesn't make them failures.
When I would talk to others I'd try to hide the fact that I'd failed until someone set me straight.
"You have two kids... big deal. If people don't like you for that then they aren't worth your time."
... never thought about it that way, honestly. I always looked at dating like a job interview, when I should have looked at it differently. No, I don't exactly know what to compare it to in reality. Hate to call it a game, but that seems to be a lot closer to reality than an interview. I'm good at interviews all the time, but I'm only good at games that I specifically want to be good at. Dating never came up on that list of games.
So , I came away with a new perspective on dating, and, possibly more importantly, self-esteem. I didn't really learn about self-esteem, but I realized that sometimes "perception"s to others are not the grand fiascoes that you'd believe they are in your own mind.
I'm finding that I have less and less motivation to run for fear of losing something I never really had to begin with. I've found that there are many more things in life to be concerned with than whether that girl, whom I've never met, has an even remote interest in me now, much less when she finds out I have an ex-wife and 2 kids. Now, I don't really care. If she does - great. If not, well I'm not out anything.
When all is said and done, I've come to understand that we're all afraid. As a matter of fact you may be even more scared than I am, you just might be a better actor in this case.
Take care.
Mo
Why is it so much easier to hide what is truly felt? Why is that even encouraged? I mean, it seems that every time I want to say what I think or feel, this little voice inside my head reminds me that it may not be worth it, and I agree. It may not be. As a matter of fact, when it comes right down to it I've found that the better solution is to just shut up (don't always do that well).
Sometimes these answers are simple: it all goes back to putting your hand on a hot stove as a kid. I've been burned and so have you. We all have. The problem is... It didn't kill us, it just hurt a little. So, why are we so scared now? Now, it seems that a lot of times I won't even go near my - metaphorical - stove. I don't even like to stand in the same room with it.
I think, for me at least, at this point in time in my life, my future is VERY important. There are many things that I'm looking forward to doing. I have never enjoyed them before, so this will be out of my usual routine. With that comes my thought process on everything:
"If you keep on doing what you've always done; you're gonna keep on getting what you've always gotten."
It's that simple. Before, I left my nose out there to be punched... and it bled. This time, my guard has to be up. Maybe this time I'll charge in, instead of strolling in. I don't know, but this time I'll wear a different color. Anything that I can do to avoid "...doing what I've already done.", can put me on the right path.
It doesn't help that sometimes it feels like I'm taking stabs in the dark, but you know what? You don't know when that's happening - only I do. That's the beauty of a theatre background. lol. It's about time I took advantage of the little college I've attended.
If I sound like I'm trying to convince myself... there's a reason - I am, and I'll bet you are too.
The real issues fall under the category of relationships. If you think about it, every decision we make is based on our relationship with someone... no matter how distant that may be. We are so afraid that people won't like us when they find out what we're hiding from them (regardless of its trivial nature) that it's just easier to not even get close. We really aren't being fair to ourselves or the people around us when we close up like that. Missed opportunities will be our undoing in life.
I'll give an example:
My biggest difficulty in seeing people, post ex-wife, has been explaining that I have two kids. There's a very small window of opportunity to discuss it with people I'm interested in. Too early, and they think that it's too much too quick. Too late, and they think you're trying to hide something from them. It's very difficult to time it just right, and I was always kind of embarrassed talking about them. Not because I'm ashamed of my kids... they're the best, I have witnesses. More because I'm somewhat ashamed of myself.
I really wanted them to grow up in a happy home with a mother and father just like I did, and I feel as if in some way I have failed them in not succeeding. I know, there wasn't anything I could do, but that qualifies as an excuse for myself. I'm not here to make up excuses. I failed - period. People fail every day; doesn't make them failures.
When I would talk to others I'd try to hide the fact that I'd failed until someone set me straight.
"You have two kids... big deal. If people don't like you for that then they aren't worth your time."
... never thought about it that way, honestly. I always looked at dating like a job interview, when I should have looked at it differently. No, I don't exactly know what to compare it to in reality. Hate to call it a game, but that seems to be a lot closer to reality than an interview. I'm good at interviews all the time, but I'm only good at games that I specifically want to be good at. Dating never came up on that list of games.
So , I came away with a new perspective on dating, and, possibly more importantly, self-esteem. I didn't really learn about self-esteem, but I realized that sometimes "perception"s to others are not the grand fiascoes that you'd believe they are in your own mind.
I'm finding that I have less and less motivation to run for fear of losing something I never really had to begin with. I've found that there are many more things in life to be concerned with than whether that girl, whom I've never met, has an even remote interest in me now, much less when she finds out I have an ex-wife and 2 kids. Now, I don't really care. If she does - great. If not, well I'm not out anything.
When all is said and done, I've come to understand that we're all afraid. As a matter of fact you may be even more scared than I am, you just might be a better actor in this case.
Take care.
Mo
Sunday, July 11, 2004
It's "later"...
There are a couple of different things I want to talk about this week. One of them is my kids, one of them is a new cd I bought, one of them is God (a bit more controversial), and one is politics (even more controversial at this point in history). However, today I thought I'd go back through the blog and take care of something people may have been curious about... "more on that later."
"Is it later Daddy?"
"Yes, sweetheart, it's later. We can now get a cookie, read a book, swim, go to the park, watch a movie, burn that cd (she Loves Sarah Brightman - can't figure it out), go to Dairy Queen, play outside, color, go to the zoo, play a game, feed the fish...", or any other of a thousand things the poor girl's asked me to do, and I've said "We're going to do it later."
I always make sure that when I promise something to her, that I come through. I'm beginnig to keep the same promises to THE BOY too. He's getting old enough to understand when later should have been. Now, I'm going to hopefully clear some things up for you too. It'll be a real mish mash of things I figure, but now... it's later.
Interviews:
I have a simple theory that will help anyone succeed in interviews. Stop talking about what's already on your resume. Everyone thinks that getting hired for a job means talking shop... it doesn't when you're in the interview. There may be a couple of questions that you'll have to answer to display competency in the fields that you say you're competent in, but, overall, your resume should say it all.
"So, what's it about then, Mo?"
It's about whether or not the person on the other side of that desk thinks that they can put up with you for, possibly, the rest of their natural lives day in and day out. When you show up for work the first day will you have that smile that you have right this second? How about on the hundreth day? Can the two of you really put up with each other in the same room at least 8 hours a day?
The interview is more of a popularity contest, and the best way to be popular is to ask the interviewer interesting open ended questions about themselves. Don't turn it into you interviewing them, but show that you have an interest in what they do and what they're saying, and don't ask things where they can answer just yes or no. (The open ended question may be one of the best skills in life to master... along with being comfortable during uncomfortable pauses. They both go hand in hand.) If you can get the interviewer talking about themself, laughing, and generally having a good time, you'll be a very strong candidate no matter the background.
In the end, you must understand going in that you are already qualified by what's on your resume and application. So, you don't have to make them believe that you are the (wo)man for the job because you are the most qualified, you may not be, and there's nothing you can do about that part. Take control of what you can, and be someone they want to work with, all the degrees in the world wouldn't have made anyone want to work with Hannibal Lecter... they couldn't enjoy lunch.
KAYA KING:
Simple, he's one of my dearest friends, and he's now seeing BROKEN RULE. He also lives directly upstairs from my ex-wife, which creates a fairly hostile atmosphere for him sometimes. It was a nice proposition when I was there, but it turned ugly when I wasn't. He's dealt with it very well, and we've become closer friends because of it.
(Now, KING, I said all those nice things about you... where's the $20 and the trip to the yough?) lol
Ex-wife:
Where do I start? This could be a post all it's own, and maybe one day it will be. For those of you who don't know. I'll tell the story.
My ex and I started out as most relationships do... unexpectedly. She was great as far as I was concerned. She was independent, attractive, smart, and spoke her mind. She was a little wild, but I was willing to tolerate that since she was willing to tolerate me not being so wild.
We dated for a month, and she went on a business trip to Ohio for work. She cheated. She was apparently drunk, and didn't realize "the seriousness of our relationship." I had a problem with it, a big one, but the more pressing issue for me was that she didn't know the guy.
I didn't find out about it until 2 months after it happened. The relationship had been short at the time, but I thought she knew where we stood. It didn't matter. I slept on the knowledge that 2 months before the night I found out, she slept with some other guy... and that should have been the end of it.
I rationalized all night. The gears in my head turned, and turned until I came up with the answer... my not knowing hadn't bothered me for the two months since, so why should this new knowledge change the way I feel?
When we rode together that day, to see my favorite drumline warm up before a DCI competition, I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say or really how to feel at the time. Finally, after getting there, finding the drumline, and finding a seat, I looked at her and asked how she felt. She went through a bunch of different things, but the message was pretty clear - she felt she had made "the biggest mistake in her life...", and that she "... risked losing everything that was so good right now." I felt that she meant it. She still didn't know what my decision was, and I wasted a beautiful moment with this response:
"What would the man of your dreams do right now? If the man of your dreams was sitting here looking at you right now, what would he do?"
She told me that he'd forgive her, and they'd live happily ever after. Well, for what it's worth, I forgave her. In retrospect I should have walked right there, but I wasn't where I am now mentally. I valued her more than I valued myself, and that thought continued until somwhat recently. If I could have given myself advice back then, I would have said to walk away, and stop thinking that women think you are stalking them because you're interested. I didn't realize just how far you could go without fear of a restraining order. lol. Just kidding.
There is part that's true. I really did think for the longest time that if I made a pass at a woman that she'd think I was stalking her. I don't know why... I just did. I think it had to do with a certain lack of self-esteem, and it was a vicious cycle that only got worse as time progressed.
So, after about a year she became pregnant with my daughter. We decided to get married because it was the right thing to do, and honestly, I'd have married her with or without the pregnancy.
Early on it was tough, not because of the baby, but because we were poor... dirt poor. We lived through some of the worst conditions I can say I've ever experienced, and hope I ever will. We were still happy though, or so I thought, but then I caught wind of a guy hitting on her at the bowling alley. (we couldn't afford food, but she could still bowl every week). I put an end to it, and I don't believe anything happened, but I think something would have if I hadn't intervened when I did. Once again I should have walked then, but I chalked it up to being a difficult first year... everyone supposedly has them.
Life went on, and my trust in her kept losing ground. We moved into a new place, she got a new job, so did I, and we seemed happy again. Then, out of nowhere I get a call at work from her saying that "if anyone comes down there she's crazy. She thinks that something's going on between me and her boyfriend, but it's not." I asked her why this girl would think such a thing and reminded her that if she would stop flirting and emailing with these guys nothing would ever happen like this. I was so gullible.
Then, we had THE BOY. I enjoyed a year of peace, but after that she kept leaving work late and showing up to meet me late, and a host of other things. I became suspicious, but told myself I was being paranoid. I kept it under my hat for a while, but eventually, it just wouldn't work. I just couldn't keep doing this. I was wondering where she was all the time, but she always had an excuse, and dared me to check up on her. Then, she started this whole thing of needing to go out with her friends EVERY Thursday night.
That's when it all came to a head. She'd still gripe about not having money, yet go out each and every week without fail. I knew something was up, but had no way to prove it. Every day of those last four months was hell for me.
It turns out, she had been emailing him outside of work at her hotmail address lovemythug@hotmail.com... I'm serious. That's exactly the email address I found. She still denied anything was going on.
Then, a week or two later, she threw me out. She told me about every bad thing I had ever done. None of it was bad enough to constitute separation or divorce, but I went on thinking it was me that was wrong the whole time. I was back in after a weekend away.
Fast forward one miserable month. She told me on Thursday that she was throwing me out on Saturday. Sadly, the two days between were filled with tears, but they may have been two of the best days of my marriage.
I packed my stuff, went to my parent's house, and thought that I'd be back in a couple months. You may ask why I'd think such a thing. Well, when she left me there(after sitting in a swing outside by ourselves for an hour) she kissed me, hugged me, and said that we'd try to have things worked out after Christmas. My parents were even convinced.
As you can tell, it never worked. More lies covered up the fact that she moved the "thug guy" in with my kids two weeks after I was gone. We ended up battling over the kids, and I finally took them, and wouldn't give them back until she stopped all the lying. She never has, but the court system says I have to give them to her half the time, so I do.
He's her "soul mate"... I think it's funny. Her soul mate has a wife who he left to move in with my her and my kids...
...while his wife was seven months pregnant.
This happened last September. This past weekend he was introduced to his church with wife together as Mr. and Mrs. Lewis for their new daughter's baptism. I'm sure God Loved that one. Oh, and forgot to mention, he better get used to that baptism thing with a baby on the way from my ex. It's due a couple of weeks before his divorce will be finalized. They'll be introduced as Mr. and uh Ms. umm Mo.. Lew.. uh, I don't know. You tell me. Maybe he'll invite his ex to the new baby's baptism so they can introduce them as Mr. and Mrs. there. rofl. Sure she'll Love that - both of them.
There are obviously many many more details, but I'll spare you til i get in the mood for a really good rant. (then maybe I'll make a request for someone to put her in a sleeper hold. I know well trained individuals. lol)
The good news is that I have learned a lot about me and life in general recently. I also know this much. No one is more important than my life itself. No one. It's sad that I had to learn it, but everyone has to somehow - just took me a bit longer. Now, if you want to ride along with me, it's going to be a wonderful journey. I might hit some turbulence, but I'll guarantee that the landing will be smooth, and when we get where we're going - you won't want to go back.
Hope you enjoyed later... now to write tomorrow today.
I'll just have to ask my daughter. She seems to be figuring all that out.
Take care.
Mo
"Is it later Daddy?"
"Yes, sweetheart, it's later. We can now get a cookie, read a book, swim, go to the park, watch a movie, burn that cd (she Loves Sarah Brightman - can't figure it out), go to Dairy Queen, play outside, color, go to the zoo, play a game, feed the fish...", or any other of a thousand things the poor girl's asked me to do, and I've said "We're going to do it later."
I always make sure that when I promise something to her, that I come through. I'm beginnig to keep the same promises to THE BOY too. He's getting old enough to understand when later should have been. Now, I'm going to hopefully clear some things up for you too. It'll be a real mish mash of things I figure, but now... it's later.
Interviews:
I have a simple theory that will help anyone succeed in interviews. Stop talking about what's already on your resume. Everyone thinks that getting hired for a job means talking shop... it doesn't when you're in the interview. There may be a couple of questions that you'll have to answer to display competency in the fields that you say you're competent in, but, overall, your resume should say it all.
"So, what's it about then, Mo?"
It's about whether or not the person on the other side of that desk thinks that they can put up with you for, possibly, the rest of their natural lives day in and day out. When you show up for work the first day will you have that smile that you have right this second? How about on the hundreth day? Can the two of you really put up with each other in the same room at least 8 hours a day?
The interview is more of a popularity contest, and the best way to be popular is to ask the interviewer interesting open ended questions about themselves. Don't turn it into you interviewing them, but show that you have an interest in what they do and what they're saying, and don't ask things where they can answer just yes or no. (The open ended question may be one of the best skills in life to master... along with being comfortable during uncomfortable pauses. They both go hand in hand.) If you can get the interviewer talking about themself, laughing, and generally having a good time, you'll be a very strong candidate no matter the background.
In the end, you must understand going in that you are already qualified by what's on your resume and application. So, you don't have to make them believe that you are the (wo)man for the job because you are the most qualified, you may not be, and there's nothing you can do about that part. Take control of what you can, and be someone they want to work with, all the degrees in the world wouldn't have made anyone want to work with Hannibal Lecter... they couldn't enjoy lunch.
KAYA KING:
Simple, he's one of my dearest friends, and he's now seeing BROKEN RULE. He also lives directly upstairs from my ex-wife, which creates a fairly hostile atmosphere for him sometimes. It was a nice proposition when I was there, but it turned ugly when I wasn't. He's dealt with it very well, and we've become closer friends because of it.
(Now, KING, I said all those nice things about you... where's the $20 and the trip to the yough?) lol
Ex-wife:
Where do I start? This could be a post all it's own, and maybe one day it will be. For those of you who don't know. I'll tell the story.
My ex and I started out as most relationships do... unexpectedly. She was great as far as I was concerned. She was independent, attractive, smart, and spoke her mind. She was a little wild, but I was willing to tolerate that since she was willing to tolerate me not being so wild.
We dated for a month, and she went on a business trip to Ohio for work. She cheated. She was apparently drunk, and didn't realize "the seriousness of our relationship." I had a problem with it, a big one, but the more pressing issue for me was that she didn't know the guy.
I didn't find out about it until 2 months after it happened. The relationship had been short at the time, but I thought she knew where we stood. It didn't matter. I slept on the knowledge that 2 months before the night I found out, she slept with some other guy... and that should have been the end of it.
I rationalized all night. The gears in my head turned, and turned until I came up with the answer... my not knowing hadn't bothered me for the two months since, so why should this new knowledge change the way I feel?
When we rode together that day, to see my favorite drumline warm up before a DCI competition, I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say or really how to feel at the time. Finally, after getting there, finding the drumline, and finding a seat, I looked at her and asked how she felt. She went through a bunch of different things, but the message was pretty clear - she felt she had made "the biggest mistake in her life...", and that she "... risked losing everything that was so good right now." I felt that she meant it. She still didn't know what my decision was, and I wasted a beautiful moment with this response:
"What would the man of your dreams do right now? If the man of your dreams was sitting here looking at you right now, what would he do?"
She told me that he'd forgive her, and they'd live happily ever after. Well, for what it's worth, I forgave her. In retrospect I should have walked right there, but I wasn't where I am now mentally. I valued her more than I valued myself, and that thought continued until somwhat recently. If I could have given myself advice back then, I would have said to walk away, and stop thinking that women think you are stalking them because you're interested. I didn't realize just how far you could go without fear of a restraining order. lol. Just kidding.
There is part that's true. I really did think for the longest time that if I made a pass at a woman that she'd think I was stalking her. I don't know why... I just did. I think it had to do with a certain lack of self-esteem, and it was a vicious cycle that only got worse as time progressed.
So, after about a year she became pregnant with my daughter. We decided to get married because it was the right thing to do, and honestly, I'd have married her with or without the pregnancy.
Early on it was tough, not because of the baby, but because we were poor... dirt poor. We lived through some of the worst conditions I can say I've ever experienced, and hope I ever will. We were still happy though, or so I thought, but then I caught wind of a guy hitting on her at the bowling alley. (we couldn't afford food, but she could still bowl every week). I put an end to it, and I don't believe anything happened, but I think something would have if I hadn't intervened when I did. Once again I should have walked then, but I chalked it up to being a difficult first year... everyone supposedly has them.
Life went on, and my trust in her kept losing ground. We moved into a new place, she got a new job, so did I, and we seemed happy again. Then, out of nowhere I get a call at work from her saying that "if anyone comes down there she's crazy. She thinks that something's going on between me and her boyfriend, but it's not." I asked her why this girl would think such a thing and reminded her that if she would stop flirting and emailing with these guys nothing would ever happen like this. I was so gullible.
Then, we had THE BOY. I enjoyed a year of peace, but after that she kept leaving work late and showing up to meet me late, and a host of other things. I became suspicious, but told myself I was being paranoid. I kept it under my hat for a while, but eventually, it just wouldn't work. I just couldn't keep doing this. I was wondering where she was all the time, but she always had an excuse, and dared me to check up on her. Then, she started this whole thing of needing to go out with her friends EVERY Thursday night.
That's when it all came to a head. She'd still gripe about not having money, yet go out each and every week without fail. I knew something was up, but had no way to prove it. Every day of those last four months was hell for me.
It turns out, she had been emailing him outside of work at her hotmail address lovemythug@hotmail.com... I'm serious. That's exactly the email address I found. She still denied anything was going on.
Then, a week or two later, she threw me out. She told me about every bad thing I had ever done. None of it was bad enough to constitute separation or divorce, but I went on thinking it was me that was wrong the whole time. I was back in after a weekend away.
Fast forward one miserable month. She told me on Thursday that she was throwing me out on Saturday. Sadly, the two days between were filled with tears, but they may have been two of the best days of my marriage.
I packed my stuff, went to my parent's house, and thought that I'd be back in a couple months. You may ask why I'd think such a thing. Well, when she left me there(after sitting in a swing outside by ourselves for an hour) she kissed me, hugged me, and said that we'd try to have things worked out after Christmas. My parents were even convinced.
As you can tell, it never worked. More lies covered up the fact that she moved the "thug guy" in with my kids two weeks after I was gone. We ended up battling over the kids, and I finally took them, and wouldn't give them back until she stopped all the lying. She never has, but the court system says I have to give them to her half the time, so I do.
He's her "soul mate"... I think it's funny. Her soul mate has a wife who he left to move in with my her and my kids...
...while his wife was seven months pregnant.
This happened last September. This past weekend he was introduced to his church with wife together as Mr. and Mrs. Lewis for their new daughter's baptism. I'm sure God Loved that one. Oh, and forgot to mention, he better get used to that baptism thing with a baby on the way from my ex. It's due a couple of weeks before his divorce will be finalized. They'll be introduced as Mr. and uh Ms. umm Mo.. Lew.. uh, I don't know. You tell me. Maybe he'll invite his ex to the new baby's baptism so they can introduce them as Mr. and Mrs. there. rofl. Sure she'll Love that - both of them.
There are obviously many many more details, but I'll spare you til i get in the mood for a really good rant. (then maybe I'll make a request for someone to put her in a sleeper hold. I know well trained individuals. lol)
The good news is that I have learned a lot about me and life in general recently. I also know this much. No one is more important than my life itself. No one. It's sad that I had to learn it, but everyone has to somehow - just took me a bit longer. Now, if you want to ride along with me, it's going to be a wonderful journey. I might hit some turbulence, but I'll guarantee that the landing will be smooth, and when we get where we're going - you won't want to go back.
Hope you enjoyed later... now to write tomorrow today.
I'll just have to ask my daughter. She seems to be figuring all that out.
Take care.
Mo
Monday, July 05, 2004
Moranic Monday: The Not So Simple Life
What happens when you take a great appreciation for all the little things in life, then life starts wearing on you a bit in spite of it?
You go and find things that aren't so simple and let them reset you.
I went to Deep Creek yesterday, for the 4th, kids in tow. It was great to see all of the family that attended. You forget how much you appreciate them when you don't see them for long stretches of time (some over 2 years). The conversations with them were wonderful, though there was a somber tone to some due to discussions of my late grandmother (someone correctly said that everything at the lake WAS my grandmother... her own personal touch still radiated throughout every single thing there, even though it's been nearly 2 years since she passed).
Her passing was very difficult on my family. No one expected her to go in the fantastic condition she was in. So, a massive heart attack, out of the blue, shocked everyone. Many members of my family mourn yet today. My grandfather makes a daily trip to her gravesite. I had a cousin who was distraught at the thought of coming to visit because the pain was still there.
How do I feel about it?
I'm glad you asked. lol
I cried when it happened, I mean she was really the only grandmother I cared about, and for her to go so suddenly, well, it was devastating initially. I also knew that there was no imaginable scenario where Christmas would ever be the same. She was, and always will be, everything that is Christmas to me. Christmas Eve at her house was better than Christmas Day at my house. My Mom will even attest to that. She made sure that it truly was "the most wonderful time of the year."
After all of those thoughts receded, and my rational mind came back. I really sat and tried to think of a more perfect scenario in which someone I adore, as much as I did her, would depart this Earth. She died in my grandfather's arms looking lovingly into his eyes telling him just how much she Loved him... and "...goodbye."
Can you write a movie script better?
I know I couldn't.
Then, I thought, at the time, what more would I have ever wanted her to see. She saw my kids. She saw me happily married to my wife (at least I THOUGHT I was happily married at the time - lol). There was nothing else that I had any real desire for her to stick around (in possible misery) to see.
If you think about it, you'll quickly realize that it was an awful perspective to take when you think of all the others who couldn't look at it that way. Some of them aren't even in elementary school yet. However, I believe that it would have been udeniably selfish of me to hold on and mourn for one second longer than I did. My daughter's birthday was on the day of her wake. I needed to be there for her. She was alive and vibrant and beautiful... and wouldn't understand what was going on until years after. So, it was Daddy's duty to make sure she had a happy birthday no matter how HE felt. Those thoughts quickly tempered my own sadness.
Oddly, my daughter is all those things that my grandmother was before she passed away. Maybe it's not all that odd, but I can only hope that she'll be as Loved by everyone as her great-grandmother was.
So, back to my giant reset button.
While at the lake I got to ride the Sea Doo personal watercraft - a jet ski, or wave runner... whatever you want to call it. Anyways, it had been years since I had ridden one. I tried to take my son with me, but that didn't last long:
"It's too fast Daddy, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Through screams and crying.
We were barely moving so don't call child services just yet. I took him back to the dock with my brother and decided to take about 5 minutes of time all alone.
I took off; trigger pulled all the way back. It was fantastic! I was out there by myself, and the water was perfect. There were no boats. There was nothing, just me vs. the water. I was winning easily (lol), but had I had more time and a pair of trunks on, I'd have tested my luck and tore up a little more than I did. I can guarantee that I'd have been thrown... just makes me look forward to the next time I get to go up and take off by myself (with trunks).
I guess everyone has a giant reset button like that. I just always forget what mine is. That is only one of them. Skiing is another one, but I haven't honestly skied in over 5 years... maybe closer to 10. I guess those are the things I really need to remember to take advantage of when I have a bad week. Maybe I need to make it a habit to do things like that so I don't have a bad week. It's all irrelevant though, cause right now...
I feel pretty good.
Take care everyone.
Mo
You go and find things that aren't so simple and let them reset you.
I went to Deep Creek yesterday, for the 4th, kids in tow. It was great to see all of the family that attended. You forget how much you appreciate them when you don't see them for long stretches of time (some over 2 years). The conversations with them were wonderful, though there was a somber tone to some due to discussions of my late grandmother (someone correctly said that everything at the lake WAS my grandmother... her own personal touch still radiated throughout every single thing there, even though it's been nearly 2 years since she passed).
Her passing was very difficult on my family. No one expected her to go in the fantastic condition she was in. So, a massive heart attack, out of the blue, shocked everyone. Many members of my family mourn yet today. My grandfather makes a daily trip to her gravesite. I had a cousin who was distraught at the thought of coming to visit because the pain was still there.
How do I feel about it?
I'm glad you asked. lol
I cried when it happened, I mean she was really the only grandmother I cared about, and for her to go so suddenly, well, it was devastating initially. I also knew that there was no imaginable scenario where Christmas would ever be the same. She was, and always will be, everything that is Christmas to me. Christmas Eve at her house was better than Christmas Day at my house. My Mom will even attest to that. She made sure that it truly was "the most wonderful time of the year."
After all of those thoughts receded, and my rational mind came back. I really sat and tried to think of a more perfect scenario in which someone I adore, as much as I did her, would depart this Earth. She died in my grandfather's arms looking lovingly into his eyes telling him just how much she Loved him... and "...goodbye."
Can you write a movie script better?
I know I couldn't.
Then, I thought, at the time, what more would I have ever wanted her to see. She saw my kids. She saw me happily married to my wife (at least I THOUGHT I was happily married at the time - lol). There was nothing else that I had any real desire for her to stick around (in possible misery) to see.
If you think about it, you'll quickly realize that it was an awful perspective to take when you think of all the others who couldn't look at it that way. Some of them aren't even in elementary school yet. However, I believe that it would have been udeniably selfish of me to hold on and mourn for one second longer than I did. My daughter's birthday was on the day of her wake. I needed to be there for her. She was alive and vibrant and beautiful... and wouldn't understand what was going on until years after. So, it was Daddy's duty to make sure she had a happy birthday no matter how HE felt. Those thoughts quickly tempered my own sadness.
Oddly, my daughter is all those things that my grandmother was before she passed away. Maybe it's not all that odd, but I can only hope that she'll be as Loved by everyone as her great-grandmother was.
So, back to my giant reset button.
While at the lake I got to ride the Sea Doo personal watercraft - a jet ski, or wave runner... whatever you want to call it. Anyways, it had been years since I had ridden one. I tried to take my son with me, but that didn't last long:
"It's too fast Daddy, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Through screams and crying.
We were barely moving so don't call child services just yet. I took him back to the dock with my brother and decided to take about 5 minutes of time all alone.
I took off; trigger pulled all the way back. It was fantastic! I was out there by myself, and the water was perfect. There were no boats. There was nothing, just me vs. the water. I was winning easily (lol), but had I had more time and a pair of trunks on, I'd have tested my luck and tore up a little more than I did. I can guarantee that I'd have been thrown... just makes me look forward to the next time I get to go up and take off by myself (with trunks).
I guess everyone has a giant reset button like that. I just always forget what mine is. That is only one of them. Skiing is another one, but I haven't honestly skied in over 5 years... maybe closer to 10. I guess those are the things I really need to remember to take advantage of when I have a bad week. Maybe I need to make it a habit to do things like that so I don't have a bad week. It's all irrelevant though, cause right now...
I feel pretty good.
Take care everyone.
Mo
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Stand for what's right or give up your seat to someone who will.
It is now official. I will, without a doubt, be at The Howl at the Moon Saloon on Saturday night July 10th at the Power Plant in Baltimore. There are abundant ways to reach me, so if you are interested in joining just say so (if you have no better way to reach me... post to the comments section).
Onto tonight's subject. Stand for something, stand your ground, stand on your own two feet... just stand up to someone - do something that makes a difference.
I am embarassed to say that an argument broke out tonight, in reference to someone I've referred to on here before, between two siblings and me. There are other things brewing, I believe, but one found a way to get under my skin by making a remark towards someone's nationality... and that they "need to learn the language." GRRR.
That sibling has never met nor spoken with the person in question. He had no way of knowing that the person that I'm speaking of is bilingual. That person speaks English, I can only assume, as well as they speak the language of their ancestry. They probably speak English better than I, but I really have no way to judge, nor would I want too.
The crux here is this: People sat at the table speechless as I defended this person, and a myriad of other things that I proceeded to unload on him, speechless. They should have had something to say.
I explained as i will now.
You must decide to stand for something. You have to vocally stand behind what's right or else you will surely support everything that is wrong. Not standing up allows another person to gain power in a world where even the slightest bit of change can result in chaotic downturns of the people around you and even society in general. It disturbs me to see people sit by and watch as an argument breaks out and take the easy way out "...I'm not takin' sides. That would be wrong." No, it wouldn't. You're going to upset someone you care about, and that's why you won't take a side. It has absolutely nothing to do with being "right" by NOT taking a side.
Standing in the middle shows everyone around that you are weak. Maybe that's the image that you want to portray, but don't expect me to sit there and watch you do it. I won't. I have seen too many lives completely ruined because too many people wouldn't stand up, then after that they look at the victim and say "I was supporting you all along." With what, your thoughts? Sorry Kreskin, but on this planet, graveyards are filled with thoughts that didn't get out... fortunes that were never realized because of it... and Love that never had an opportunity to be lost - due to it only ever being thought and not acted upon. Thoughts are cheap, unless they are brought out for consumption.
Sorry that these past couple of posts haven't been as upbeat as before, but it's been a long week. I get the feeling that it's going to continue until Friday night. I'm, obviously, surrounding myself with at least somewhat miserable people and I believe it's taking a toll on me. I'm frustrated. I'm tired of hearing excuses for everything that's wrong in the world with no thoughts on fixing the problems. I'm beginning only to want answers and solutions.
I don't mind hearing problems, I just don't want to hear about them like they are the end of the world. All of this will seem small in the not-so-distant future... including what I've written.
Overall, things will be well soon. I will have gotten away for a weekend and recharged for more upbeat attempts at making people happy, advice, and some humor. I'll find a few more lol's because I'm going to spend next weekend with some of the most positive people I know. I haven't written about them yet, but oh the fun it will be when I get back. Until then, take care of yourself.
Mo
P.S.
Hope training is going well. :)
Onto tonight's subject. Stand for something, stand your ground, stand on your own two feet... just stand up to someone - do something that makes a difference.
I am embarassed to say that an argument broke out tonight, in reference to someone I've referred to on here before, between two siblings and me. There are other things brewing, I believe, but one found a way to get under my skin by making a remark towards someone's nationality... and that they "need to learn the language." GRRR.
That sibling has never met nor spoken with the person in question. He had no way of knowing that the person that I'm speaking of is bilingual. That person speaks English, I can only assume, as well as they speak the language of their ancestry. They probably speak English better than I, but I really have no way to judge, nor would I want too.
The crux here is this: People sat at the table speechless as I defended this person, and a myriad of other things that I proceeded to unload on him, speechless. They should have had something to say.
I explained as i will now.
You must decide to stand for something. You have to vocally stand behind what's right or else you will surely support everything that is wrong. Not standing up allows another person to gain power in a world where even the slightest bit of change can result in chaotic downturns of the people around you and even society in general. It disturbs me to see people sit by and watch as an argument breaks out and take the easy way out "...I'm not takin' sides. That would be wrong." No, it wouldn't. You're going to upset someone you care about, and that's why you won't take a side. It has absolutely nothing to do with being "right" by NOT taking a side.
Standing in the middle shows everyone around that you are weak. Maybe that's the image that you want to portray, but don't expect me to sit there and watch you do it. I won't. I have seen too many lives completely ruined because too many people wouldn't stand up, then after that they look at the victim and say "I was supporting you all along." With what, your thoughts? Sorry Kreskin, but on this planet, graveyards are filled with thoughts that didn't get out... fortunes that were never realized because of it... and Love that never had an opportunity to be lost - due to it only ever being thought and not acted upon. Thoughts are cheap, unless they are brought out for consumption.
Sorry that these past couple of posts haven't been as upbeat as before, but it's been a long week. I get the feeling that it's going to continue until Friday night. I'm, obviously, surrounding myself with at least somewhat miserable people and I believe it's taking a toll on me. I'm frustrated. I'm tired of hearing excuses for everything that's wrong in the world with no thoughts on fixing the problems. I'm beginning only to want answers and solutions.
I don't mind hearing problems, I just don't want to hear about them like they are the end of the world. All of this will seem small in the not-so-distant future... including what I've written.
Overall, things will be well soon. I will have gotten away for a weekend and recharged for more upbeat attempts at making people happy, advice, and some humor. I'll find a few more lol's because I'm going to spend next weekend with some of the most positive people I know. I haven't written about them yet, but oh the fun it will be when I get back. Until then, take care of yourself.
Mo
P.S.
Hope training is going well. :)
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