How is everyone? I hope things are great where you are, whether it is
I am.
Even if I haven't talked to you lately, it doesn't mean I haven't thought of you. I haven't spent as much time messaging lately because I've been spending time in real life.
I have softball, and kids, and life to live beyond IM. Something has to fall by the wayside and it looks like that has for now. Softball's over, and the kids are going to school soon, and... Well who knows where life will go?
Either way, I promised people that I'd give a response to the nice guy post and I just kept putting it off, but life has ways of bringing you back to the subject matter. This week has gone to prove that less nice guys exist. I've tried to help as much as possible, but I believe my frustration is growing because I'm trying to help clean up a mess I worked to avoid creating.
I sat the other night and was a shoulder to cry on. I liked it. I always have. It amazes me how people can hurt those that they supposedly Love the ways that they do. I guess that's where I get to come in. I get to be there for all of the beautiful women when the ones who they thought loved them aren't. How lucky am I?
I was "the nice guy".
I don't really know that I believe in the whole nice guys finish last thing though. Sometimes we need to realize that we have an opportunity to change things and take advantage of it. I posted "the nice guy" blog knowing full well that I didn’t agree with it all.
Nice guys aren’t victims. I’m not and neither are the rest of them. They aren’t doomed to be single, but they are to be something else… empathetic – they don’t have a choice. Not only do they most times have low self-esteem, but they can also nearly read the minds of the people that they deal with every day. It’s a gift, and a curse (cliché but true).
It’s a gift because when you tell someone you know how they feel – you normally do. It’s a curse because you want to do what’s right for people all the time – in spite of yourself. That’s the real key here… in spite of yourself.
The “nice guy” is normally unselfish to a detriment and that’s where he ends up finishing last… not by some cosmic mantra. He will normally advise by what’s good for the person he speaks with and not by what he may desire.
Look, in the past few months I have bitten my tongue on several occasions and not (how should I say this?) touched someone on another occasion because it wasn’t the right thing to do – she was married. I have refused to give normal advice because I was interested in the person who was asking it. I didn’t think it would be nice to give advice and possibly benefit from it, even though that would have been the right advice to give. I’ve distanced myself from someone who was attractive but a bit too aggressive while friends sat there asking me why I wasn’t just sleeping with her.
All the while, I sat there envious as other people enjoyed “normal” lives. However, frustration isn’t the worst thing to feel, and envy, while a sin, is natural even when you aren’t single. It’s normally what drives us.
So, this brings me to some questions:
Rules. Why are there so damn many rules in dating? They are nearly infallible rules too. You follow them or remain single, like it or not.
Guys. Why do some of them consistently refuse to accept great over good… or even bad? (What the hell are you thinking?)
I guess that one applies to girls too.
Girls. Why do they think that people change? People don’t change that much. It’s hard enough to get guys to do whatever they already do better. Why would you think that you can put something into them that never was in the first place? It’s not something instinctual, like whether you enjoy Thai food. It’s habitual, like whether or not you can be loyal.
Me. Why am I still helping people when I don’t really have a good feeling about a situation to begin with? People don’t normally see what I’m looking at anyways, so why can’t I just leave it be?
Nice guys finish last… maybe it’s because they’re more selective. Maybe it’s because they don’t get it. Maybe they aren’t real smart. However maybe…
It’s because they choose too.
Take care.
-Mo
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