It's "later"...

There are a couple of different things I want to talk about this week. One of them is my kids, one of them is a new cd I bought, one of them is God (a bit more controversial), and one is politics (even more controversial at this point in history). However, today I thought I'd go back through the blog and take care of something people may have been curious about... "more on that later."

"Is it later Daddy?"

"Yes, sweetheart, it's later. We can now get a cookie, read a book, swim, go to the park, watch a movie, burn that cd (she Loves Sarah Brightman - can't figure it out), go to Dairy Queen, play outside, color, go to the zoo, play a game, feed the fish...", or any other of a thousand things the poor girl's asked me to do, and I've said "We're going to do it later."

I always make sure that when I promise something to her, that I come through. I'm beginnig to keep the same promises to THE BOY too. He's getting old enough to understand when later should have been. Now, I'm going to hopefully clear some things up for you too. It'll be a real mish mash of things I figure, but now... it's later.



Interviews:

I have a simple theory that will help anyone succeed in interviews. Stop talking about what's already on your resume. Everyone thinks that getting hired for a job means talking shop... it doesn't when you're in the interview. There may be a couple of questions that you'll have to answer to display competency in the fields that you say you're competent in, but, overall, your resume should say it all.

"So, what's it about then, Mo?"

It's about whether or not the person on the other side of that desk thinks that they can put up with you for, possibly, the rest of their natural lives day in and day out. When you show up for work the first day will you have that smile that you have right this second? How about on the hundreth day? Can the two of you really put up with each other in the same room at least 8 hours a day?

The interview is more of a popularity contest, and the best way to be popular is to ask the interviewer interesting open ended questions about themselves. Don't turn it into you interviewing them, but show that you have an interest in what they do and what they're saying, and don't ask things where they can answer just yes or no. (The open ended question may be one of the best skills in life to master... along with being comfortable during uncomfortable pauses. They both go hand in hand.) If you can get the interviewer talking about themself, laughing, and generally having a good time, you'll be a very strong candidate no matter the background.

In the end, you must understand going in that you are already qualified by what's on your resume and application. So, you don't have to make them believe that you are the (wo)man for the job because you are the most qualified, you may not be, and there's nothing you can do about that part. Take control of what you can, and be someone they want to work with, all the degrees in the world wouldn't have made anyone want to work with Hannibal Lecter... they couldn't enjoy lunch.


KAYA KING:

Simple, he's one of my dearest friends, and he's now seeing BROKEN RULE. He also lives directly upstairs from my ex-wife, which creates a fairly hostile atmosphere for him sometimes. It was a nice proposition when I was there, but it turned ugly when I wasn't. He's dealt with it very well, and we've become closer friends because of it.

(Now, KING, I said all those nice things about you... where's the $20 and the trip to the yough?) lol



Ex-wife:

Where do I start? This could be a post all it's own, and maybe one day it will be. For those of you who don't know. I'll tell the story.

My ex and I started out as most relationships do... unexpectedly. She was great as far as I was concerned. She was independent, attractive, smart, and spoke her mind. She was a little wild, but I was willing to tolerate that since she was willing to tolerate me not being so wild.

We dated for a month, and she went on a business trip to Ohio for work. She cheated. She was apparently drunk, and didn't realize "the seriousness of our relationship." I had a problem with it, a big one, but the more pressing issue for me was that she didn't know the guy.

I didn't find out about it until 2 months after it happened. The relationship had been short at the time, but I thought she knew where we stood. It didn't matter. I slept on the knowledge that 2 months before the night I found out, she slept with some other guy... and that should have been the end of it.

I rationalized all night. The gears in my head turned, and turned until I came up with the answer... my not knowing hadn't bothered me for the two months since, so why should this new knowledge change the way I feel?

When we rode together that day, to see my favorite drumline warm up before a DCI competition, I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say or really how to feel at the time. Finally, after getting there, finding the drumline, and finding a seat, I looked at her and asked how she felt. She went through a bunch of different things, but the message was pretty clear - she felt she had made "the biggest mistake in her life...", and that she "... risked losing everything that was so good right now." I felt that she meant it. She still didn't know what my decision was, and I wasted a beautiful moment with this response:

"What would the man of your dreams do right now? If the man of your dreams was sitting here looking at you right now, what would he do?"

She told me that he'd forgive her, and they'd live happily ever after. Well, for what it's worth, I forgave her. In retrospect I should have walked right there, but I wasn't where I am now mentally. I valued her more than I valued myself, and that thought continued until somwhat recently. If I could have given myself advice back then, I would have said to walk away, and stop thinking that women think you are stalking them because you're interested. I didn't realize just how far you could go without fear of a restraining order. lol. Just kidding.

There is part that's true. I really did think for the longest time that if I made a pass at a woman that she'd think I was stalking her. I don't know why... I just did. I think it had to do with a certain lack of self-esteem, and it was a vicious cycle that only got worse as time progressed.

So, after about a year she became pregnant with my daughter. We decided to get married because it was the right thing to do, and honestly, I'd have married her with or without the pregnancy.

Early on it was tough, not because of the baby, but because we were poor... dirt poor. We lived through some of the worst conditions I can say I've ever experienced, and hope I ever will. We were still happy though, or so I thought, but then I caught wind of a guy hitting on her at the bowling alley. (we couldn't afford food, but she could still bowl every week). I put an end to it, and I don't believe anything happened, but I think something would have if I hadn't intervened when I did. Once again I should have walked then, but I chalked it up to being a difficult first year... everyone supposedly has them.

Life went on, and my trust in her kept losing ground. We moved into a new place, she got a new job, so did I, and we seemed happy again. Then, out of nowhere I get a call at work from her saying that "if anyone comes down there she's crazy. She thinks that something's going on between me and her boyfriend, but it's not." I asked her why this girl would think such a thing and reminded her that if she would stop flirting and emailing with these guys nothing would ever happen like this. I was so gullible.

Then, we had THE BOY. I enjoyed a year of peace, but after that she kept leaving work late and showing up to meet me late, and a host of other things. I became suspicious, but told myself I was being paranoid. I kept it under my hat for a while, but eventually, it just wouldn't work. I just couldn't keep doing this. I was wondering where she was all the time, but she always had an excuse, and dared me to check up on her. Then, she started this whole thing of needing to go out with her friends EVERY Thursday night.

That's when it all came to a head. She'd still gripe about not having money, yet go out each and every week without fail. I knew something was up, but had no way to prove it. Every day of those last four months was hell for me.

It turns out, she had been emailing him outside of work at her hotmail address lovemythug@hotmail.com... I'm serious. That's exactly the email address I found. She still denied anything was going on.

Then, a week or two later, she threw me out. She told me about every bad thing I had ever done. None of it was bad enough to constitute separation or divorce, but I went on thinking it was me that was wrong the whole time. I was back in after a weekend away.

Fast forward one miserable month. She told me on Thursday that she was throwing me out on Saturday. Sadly, the two days between were filled with tears, but they may have been two of the best days of my marriage.

I packed my stuff, went to my parent's house, and thought that I'd be back in a couple months. You may ask why I'd think such a thing. Well, when she left me there(after sitting in a swing outside by ourselves for an hour) she kissed me, hugged me, and said that we'd try to have things worked out after Christmas. My parents were even convinced.

As you can tell, it never worked. More lies covered up the fact that she moved the "thug guy" in with my kids two weeks after I was gone. We ended up battling over the kids, and I finally took them, and wouldn't give them back until she stopped all the lying. She never has, but the court system says I have to give them to her half the time, so I do.

He's her "soul mate"... I think it's funny. Her soul mate has a wife who he left to move in with my her and my kids...

...while his wife was seven months pregnant.

This happened last September. This past weekend he was introduced to his church with wife together as Mr. and Mrs. Lewis for their new daughter's baptism. I'm sure God Loved that one. Oh, and forgot to mention, he better get used to that baptism thing with a baby on the way from my ex. It's due a couple of weeks before his divorce will be finalized. They'll be introduced as Mr. and uh Ms. umm Mo.. Lew.. uh, I don't know. You tell me. Maybe he'll invite his ex to the new baby's baptism so they can introduce them as Mr. and Mrs. there. rofl. Sure she'll Love that - both of them.

There are obviously many many more details, but I'll spare you til i get in the mood for a really good rant. (then maybe I'll make a request for someone to put her in a sleeper hold. I know well trained individuals. lol)

The good news is that I have learned a lot about me and life in general recently. I also know this much. No one is more important than my life itself. No one. It's sad that I had to learn it, but everyone has to somehow - just took me a bit longer. Now, if you want to ride along with me, it's going to be a wonderful journey. I might hit some turbulence, but I'll guarantee that the landing will be smooth, and when we get where we're going - you won't want to go back.

Hope you enjoyed later... now to write tomorrow today.

I'll just have to ask my daughter. She seems to be figuring all that out.

Take care.

Mo