All it took...

was one person, who dealt with things the way no one else had. Don't get me wrong. Lots of people have given me great advice, some are reading right now, but this was different. She said that "if anyone questions the way you do things tell them I told you to do it that way." She effectively took all the responsibility of failure from me. The difference is that she knows I won't fail, so she'll never have to defend me or herself. And, she said to do that even though she DIDN'T actually tell me how to do anything. It was more permission than command.

When everyone else gave support, she had my back. In my mind there's a huge difference. Supporters sit back and watch. They may lick your wounds when you come back battle scarred. She was going to battle with me.

It's the first time in a long time that I've felt that way. I always told people I had their back, and I meant it. Talk is cheap, results are required and excuses abound. She has my back, and it changed me into the person I wanted to be. I'm fearless.

Let me explain. She said to be "more agressive, step on toes to get where you want." Well, if there's one thing I'm not good at, it's stepping on toes. I tread lightly, it normally gets me to where I want to go because I paid attention the whole time, and found out what I needed to do to get there. I'm finding that stepping on a few toes is much more efficient. Any other time I tried to create a huge case against the problem, then proceed. Now I just tick the problem off til it leaves.

I went ahead and did what she said. I knew how all along, I just refused before. I think I raised a lot of eyebrows when I did. There was also a noticeable difference all the way around - mentally, emotionally, and physically. Now don't get too excited, I'm not. It was the first day, but tomorrow seems as if it's going to be that way too. I can feel it now.

One other thing happened. This is a study of the human mind... enjoy. With the new found freedom without fear, I was at a class reunion... not technically mine (long story). But I was there visiting old friends. I was pleasantly surprised to see a girl I'd known since she was little. She's a couple years younger than me (my brother's age, 25), but she's always been a gorgeous girl. We chatted for a bit and she seemed to want to make sure that I realized that the guy she was with was not her boyfriend. I don't know if that was a hint, but at the end of the evening just before I was about to leave, I figured I should tell her good night. I decided then and there, well someone's got my back. (I know it sounds stupid, but it was what I thought about.) I ran over before I left gave her a hug and asked her to dinner. WAY outta my league under the old rules of thought, but she said to call her. I don't know if I will. It doesn't really matter. What matters is results.

She said I could call.

That was the goal.

Mission accomplished.

I know this all sounds more complex than it is. I know I make it that way too... don't care.

Results. That's it.

When all is said and done. Everyone can say what they want, but doing something is completely diferent. I try to be a great ally, and sometimes I need one too. Many unnecessary failures have brought me to this point. People around me not letting me fail will get me out. They don't have to do anything, they just needed to give me a way to fail safely - that way I couldn't.

It's funny, that's always been my philosophy on the kids. Push them hard to get them where they want to go, but always be there as a safety net when they fall. They will fall and you want them to, because you want them to learn... from their mistakes; not to be terrified and hamstrung by them. That is where I'm trying to get to and from. Seems like I'm finding the right people to get me there.

I will not use her name or even a pseudonym here, but if she ever decides to read this... she needs to know that my gratitude is boundless for this one.

Take care.

-Mo

P.S.
I wrote this starting at nearly 3am... you have to forgive the ramblings... I just needed to get this one on paper, er screen.