Change...

"If you could go back a year and a half, what would you change? Is there anything that you could have done to make the results different?"

-FEMALEATLAS


The short answer is, nothing and no, but you knew this wasn't going to be short.

Let me explain to you about how I look at destiny, and maybe it'll clear things up. Destiny is not a word I toss around lightly. I believe that it is a very, very powerful word that I've found people to be very protective of. Let's be honest, everyone's hopes, dreams, wishes, prayers and deepest desires are wrapped up in that one word... they have reason to be protective.

I differ with most people on the idea that destiny is not something predetermined. I believe that most people envision their life (past, present and future) in a straight line, just like history. The problem is this... life isn't like that. So, I believe that your destiny is something that you shape every second of the day.

"No, no, no Mo. You are treading on thin ice here. You are telling me that something that I've believed to be true all my life is not, and has not been accurate."

Accurate is a good word because a line is an okay assessment of life, but it doesn't encompass all that happens. If you wanted to diagram your life, most people would draw a straight line... Point A: Birth through Point (whatever): present and they would leave a LONG line after that would end at Point (whatever): predictable death. Everyone wants to live forever.

What I do is similar, but it's not a straight line. I look at life and destiny, goals, accomplishments, and history on a different scale. It allows me to look at the future differently too. I look at life as more like a spider web. Even the spider web isn't a perfect representation, but it's like thousands of spider webs on top of each other, maybe millions. All of those lines represent the decisions you did or did not make in life. They also represent everyone else who made those same types of decisions. Our lives are traced out on that spider web like a drawing of a constellation that never connects back around on itself.

In a spider web the lines of it grow larger as you travel from the center outward representing the amount of time needed to change direction as we age. This also takes care of the issues of us not being able to change what we've done. We, also, always move outward on the spider web, just like the path of a needle on a record player.

The beauty of this is that we can plot goals and accomplishments on that web that we either did, could do, or someone else accomplished. We can then begin to draw our path through that web landing precisely where we wanted to end up if we achieved it. Or, we can draw a near miss if we nearly accomplished it. Here's where it get's interesting: we can also plot the one decision that caused us to miss that goal, and it is then simple to see how we could have made it if only...

Where does all this help?

Well if our life was able to be plotted like that we could quickly see which decisions led us to where we are, and which ones kept us from achieving that goal. I believe that someone, some where is living the exact life that I want to be living right now. The EXACT life I want to be living. They have things set up just the way I would, and they are living it based on the fact that they made particular decisions that got them there. If I plotted their life on the web it would run directly on top of mine until one decision, and that's where it broke off. Then we went in the same general direction with completely different trajectories. We would only be off of each other by a degree or two, working our way outward, but we would continue seperating ourselves until we made a decision that sent us back towards each other.

Here's where the hope comes in. You may, right now, be living life directly parallel to your ideal life. It may only take one decision to have your course in life altered to match that of that other person who's living what you could be right this second. One decision is all it might take. One decision and time. You nedd to take the time to allow nature to take it's course and got you on the path that you want to be on.

With all that, to answer the question at the beginning, (FEMALEATLAS was obviously referring to my divorce it's been a hot topic with the papers filed and her baby on the way), and wanted to know what I thought would have changed it.

I don't believe that there was anything I could have done to change the situation six months before we seperated. I believe there was lots I could have done before then, in some situations, LONG before then that would have helped. But, I also believe I was already too far on the path to make changes to reach that particular goal. Then again, looking back, I don't know if that's a goal I regret not accomplishing. I'd have to ask myself what I was willing to give up to get to where I wanted to be at the time (happily married), and I don't know that I like the answers that I'd have given myself. Therefore the goal passes, and life goes on, and you modify your route. You make that one decision to put your path in the direction you need to go, and you just enjoy the ride.

I'm telling you, the life you want is out there. It applies to me too. You just have to find the long term destination to guide that one decision right now that will get you there. Find it and make it.

There you have it: your destiny. I hope I didn't lose anyone on it. It's a very visual thought process, and it's much more easily explained on the back of a napkin.


Take care,

-Mo


Oh, and there are other rules for the web too, but you'll have to ask me about them. One is that goals tied to age are stationary. You miss them, they're gone. Goals towards lifestyles, though, are fluid. They are constantly moving and you have to track them.