Don't take it so seriously... what, life?

"...don't take it so seriously." he said.

To which I have a response.

At what point in time can you stop taking life seriously? At what point can I take my guard down? When, tell me, when will I walk around at peace in my own head?

Will all of this magically happen when I "stop taking things seriously"? I doubt it.

Why am I able to sit behind a computer screen and stare at the words being typed to me, and tell so much about the person on the other side that I've literally scared people before? Their mood, their feelings, their opinions, and their worries - I've read them all... sometimes within a few words. I know it's all intuition, but they think I'm a freak.

Why is it that I can sit on a sales floor and watch other people miss sales knowing full well that they could have made them? All they would have had to do was ask one more time. Yet every day I sympathize with the customer and the sales people around me. I listen to excuses from them, but it all comes down to one simple fact... people lie every day, and they hide those lies behind excuses. Why do I have to feel that way? Why do I have to be the one who can't sleep at night if I convince someone to do something that they, obviously, walked in my store intending to do at some point in time or the other? Why is it if I think I said the wrong word or accidentally offended someone that I have to care? I mean, come on, I didn't do it on purpose. Still, it seems as though I do care - sometimes more than my poor mind can bear.

I feel that everyone around me has all of their own specialized traits and abilities, and they put those gifts to use every day without remorse. Yet everyday I feel a little more guilty about understanding what happens around me. My thoughts freak people out... unless someone wants to know how to deal with someone at work, or how to get that promotion, or who stole money out of their house (with a list of suspects and events) - then everything's ok.

My opinions are rarely popular because, most of the time, they don't fit someone else's agenda. SOMETIMES, my opinions don't fit MY agenda (I can give examplles)!

I like things just as much as the next guy, but I never seem to get them because my mind always makes me feel guitly about having, doing, or saying. With all the things I understand about the way everyone else thinks, my biggest foe every day is me. I don't understand the reason I think. I understand the HOW but not the why.

There are many things that i could have already been successful with. I have proven, without a doubt, that you can visualize your way through any endeavor, and I can easily visualize my own results... I just have a hard time visualizing the steps between.

In all reality, there were merely too many times when the people I Loved came before everything else, and they still do. Their opinions have, so many times, defeated all that I was attempting, that I have since failed them and myself by neglecting to follow through and prove them wrong. I guess i always fear that maybe they won't Love me anymore after I finally get to where I've always said I'd be.

I will be where I've always said I'd end up, and maybe the scariest part of it all is getting there and finding out I'm all alone. All of my support always came from effigies of the people I was looking for support from. It was never cautious optimism... it was always lip service. I knew it and chose to ignore it.

In the end... guess it was my fault.

So, what was the lesson for today boys and girls... hmmm.

Maybe it was to not take life too seriously. I think maybe people are right... maybe I shouldn't. However, I think today's lesson was to use your abilities and stop caring what other people think. I still don't do that well either, but I'm beginning to find that my "support system" is made with low grade materials.

I'm just tired of saying things to people and getting a response of "that sounds great",when they're really thinking "he'll never make it.. don't wanna be part of that." Any one of those things that "sounded great" could have made a fortune a hundred times over someone. Too bad, I guess I listened to the wrong person, and so did they.

Maybe I just need a vacation. Mark it on your calendar. I'm going to attempt to be out of town and in Glen Burnie on July 11th and 12th. I'm really going to try to make plans to go to The Howl At the Moon Saloon on that Saturday. All are welcome...

but don't take yourself too seriously when you're there... I'll be on vacation.

Mo