New start(er)s...

It wasn't a big deal... go to work, get some dinner, get my car, get dessert, and go home. ...and go home. ...AND GO HOME!

Okay, so maybe it was a bigger deal than I had thought. The car wouldn't start. It started 20 mins before, but now... not even turning over. So, I call my dad (I'm not very mechanically inclined). "Dad the car won't start."

"Well, what's it doin'?"

"That's just it - nothing."

"We'll be down."

He was referring to himself and my brother, HTRN. I was also sure HTRN would bring my niece too. I was near work, so I was about 1/2 hour away from home. I knew it would take time for them to get there, so I decided to figure out what I was going to write tonight (hoping I'd be home in time to beat the 12am mark so that it'd still technically be tonight). I was thinking about how, under prior circumstances, I'd have been furious. Tonight, I was frustrated, but nowhere near furious. I've noticed lately that there are fewer things to be furious over. Most things I just laugh about.

(I think my family thought I'd gone off the deep end when I'd found that my ex wife was pregnant, and laughed til I nearly cried. For all those who don't know... we've been separated for 9 months - she's not due for another 4 months - if you do the math, it isn't mine. More on that later.)

It's kind of a different approach for me. I go through phases where I feel like this, and it honestly feels great. Nothing really bothers me. I can be slightly annoyed, as noted in my first post, but otherwise, I'm happy.

I think a great deal of this has to do with the fact that there have been many major changes in my life over the past year. All, in retrospect, for the better. Sometimes we do not know what is best for us. They've culminated into this period of time where I'm finally feeling like I'm advancing.

It's really been a long haul. I feel like a prize fighter going for the belt right now. I haven't gotten it yet, but at least I'm in the arena. I'm not even to the locker room yet, but that's irrelevant. I'm going to win the belt. I'm going to have to fight hard, and I'm probably going to get hurt some more, but it will all have been worth it... the black eyes will go away, but the hardware stays.

With things the way they are now... I have a lot to be happy about. I truly didn't realize just how unhappy I was with life. Maybe not life as much as the situations which life threw my way. I believe that people get into a bit of a funk when life gets tough, and they begin to drop into a different attitude. Sometimes people don't feel that things are fair (I was one of them), and they'll have those feelings validated by those who Love them. Your support system is there for those reasons specifically, yet they don't help in that aspect. Realistically, though, your support system going the other way and telling you that life is completely fair; could send most people into a worse funk. I feel my support sytem was just about right in the fact that they were helpful, but not unrealistic.

It took my own experiences to get out of the funk. I found things that were fulfilling activities vs. going to bars... being disappointed...and going home. The same process was happening at work, you see, I can't figure out which person took advantage of me more at this point, my ex-wife or my former boss. They both did a pretty good job. At least I still speak to the former boss without venom.

So, when I finally got out of both situations, and got things squared away, I decided to put a smile on. I make decisions as to what I'll do, and turn people down for invitations to do things where I never would have done that before. I look at the future with much rosier glasses. Strangely, there was never a time when I didn't look with rosy glasses... I think the problem was the jaundiced eye.

I'll be moving, from what I hear from my current employer, before August 1st. Another opportunity for an even better lifestyle in a somewhat more progressive town. Do I want to leave? Not really, but sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do in order to be able to finally do the things we do want to do.

I plan on taking my kids on a Disney cruise next year (the invitation's open to whomever wants to join us). I can't do it where I'm at right now, but with a few changes in life it'll be simple.

The beauty of all this is that everyone get's a new start in life everyday. Some days we need new starters... as I do now. Luckily, new starts are exciting and if you'll just decide to smile instead of worry life, will take on new meaning...

Just ask KAYA KING and BROKEN RULE, (by the way - nice to meet you yesterday BROKEN).

Take care.