Moranic Monday: The Not So Simple Life

What happens when you take a great appreciation for all the little things in life, then life starts wearing on you a bit in spite of it?

You go and find things that aren't so simple and let them reset you.

I went to Deep Creek yesterday, for the 4th, kids in tow. It was great to see all of the family that attended. You forget how much you appreciate them when you don't see them for long stretches of time (some over 2 years). The conversations with them were wonderful, though there was a somber tone to some due to discussions of my late grandmother (someone correctly said that everything at the lake WAS my grandmother... her own personal touch still radiated throughout every single thing there, even though it's been nearly 2 years since she passed).

Her passing was very difficult on my family. No one expected her to go in the fantastic condition she was in. So, a massive heart attack, out of the blue, shocked everyone. Many members of my family mourn yet today. My grandfather makes a daily trip to her gravesite. I had a cousin who was distraught at the thought of coming to visit because the pain was still there.

How do I feel about it?

I'm glad you asked. lol

I cried when it happened, I mean she was really the only grandmother I cared about, and for her to go so suddenly, well, it was devastating initially. I also knew that there was no imaginable scenario where Christmas would ever be the same. She was, and always will be, everything that is Christmas to me. Christmas Eve at her house was better than Christmas Day at my house. My Mom will even attest to that. She made sure that it truly was "the most wonderful time of the year."

After all of those thoughts receded, and my rational mind came back. I really sat and tried to think of a more perfect scenario in which someone I adore, as much as I did her, would depart this Earth. She died in my grandfather's arms looking lovingly into his eyes telling him just how much she Loved him... and "...goodbye."

Can you write a movie script better?

I know I couldn't.

Then, I thought, at the time, what more would I have ever wanted her to see. She saw my kids. She saw me happily married to my wife (at least I THOUGHT I was happily married at the time - lol). There was nothing else that I had any real desire for her to stick around (in possible misery) to see.

If you think about it, you'll quickly realize that it was an awful perspective to take when you think of all the others who couldn't look at it that way. Some of them aren't even in elementary school yet. However, I believe that it would have been udeniably selfish of me to hold on and mourn for one second longer than I did. My daughter's birthday was on the day of her wake. I needed to be there for her. She was alive and vibrant and beautiful... and wouldn't understand what was going on until years after. So, it was Daddy's duty to make sure she had a happy birthday no matter how HE felt. Those thoughts quickly tempered my own sadness.

Oddly, my daughter is all those things that my grandmother was before she passed away. Maybe it's not all that odd, but I can only hope that she'll be as Loved by everyone as her great-grandmother was.

So, back to my giant reset button.

While at the lake I got to ride the Sea Doo personal watercraft - a jet ski, or wave runner... whatever you want to call it. Anyways, it had been years since I had ridden one. I tried to take my son with me, but that didn't last long:

"It's too fast Daddy, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Through screams and crying.

We were barely moving so don't call child services just yet. I took him back to the dock with my brother and decided to take about 5 minutes of time all alone.

I took off; trigger pulled all the way back. It was fantastic! I was out there by myself, and the water was perfect. There were no boats. There was nothing, just me vs. the water. I was winning easily (lol), but had I had more time and a pair of trunks on, I'd have tested my luck and tore up a little more than I did. I can guarantee that I'd have been thrown... just makes me look forward to the next time I get to go up and take off by myself (with trunks).

I guess everyone has a giant reset button like that. I just always forget what mine is. That is only one of them. Skiing is another one, but I haven't honestly skied in over 5 years... maybe closer to 10. I guess those are the things I really need to remember to take advantage of when I have a bad week. Maybe I need to make it a habit to do things like that so I don't have a bad week. It's all irrelevant though, cause right now...

I feel pretty good.

Take care everyone.

Mo